Leather Spinsters Newsletter December 98

December 98 Spinster Letters
I've been thinking about what made me a spinster lately and the conclusion was all so simple, how I view the importance of my life. Married women place emphasis on having a husband and children for those who have them so it seemed perfectly natural for me to place emphasis on being a unemcumbered me. I make no half-hearted sacrifices for things I disagree with, the way my mother did for my father, or my sister with her lover. Selfish hmmm depends on who you talk to but make sure you don't talk to me, cause there's nothing selfish about being centered on myself. (30) Emma Lee paralegal,Houston.

After my divorce that comfortable life I lead in the shadows of my surgeon husband had ended just as abrupt as he ended our marriage. All those social gatherings, parties, opera openings, charity balls, all of that moved beyond my reach. It nearly killed me to be pushed aside two weeks after my 40th birthday by a man I thought loved me right up to the day he threw the divorce papers in my sleeping face.
The things most single women took for granted I had to learn the hard way. My husband didn't have to part with much, he made sure I left the marriage with just enough to move into a four room apartment on the poor side of town. He and I had been married 22 years, and I had never lived on my own before, it was pure shock to my system. How he could be satisfied knowing the woman that worked late nights to him pay off his student loans while he did his internship were living like a squatter was beyond me.
I know it seems like I'm rambling but I'm not. My point is I lived my life through my husband and unbeknowst to me he had resentment for it. That resentment left him secretly vindictive and wanting to see me evaporate with yesterday's rain. Silly me I begged him on my hands and knees before and after the divorce to take me back and guess what, he laughed in my face. I knew then that I didn't have any self-esteem left.
Eight and a half years later I'm living in another fine house, with all the material things I could possibly want and I have a strong healthy self-esteem. I achieved all of this by learning to see myself as a person who deserves and can achieve life's rewards. No longer do I live vicariously through someone else and accept petty handouts. Wondering how I did?? I started believing in myself and took a chance as a entreprenuer I could have never done this when I was with my husband I was too weak. (48) clothing store owner Kitzi Sovitz, Arizona

The footsteps of those proud spinsters that have gone before and those that are soon to follow.
Inspiration Corner
Letters, poetry, art, it doesn't matter as long as it is inspiring to others.

...Or So They Say...
Denise A. Luhman © 1995




I've been told:
"Someday, you'll find your one true love."
But how can I find something,
If I don't know what I'm looking for?
And how can it be that important
If I've lived so long without it?

I've been told:
"It's just as easy to love a rich man,
As a poor one."
But why do I need to love someone at all?
Am I not my own person,
With or without someone else?

I've been told:
"Sex is something that two people do
When they love each other."
But can I not love,
And open my heart,
Without surrendering my body, as well?

I am the only thing I truly own.
I am the one thing that no one can ever
Take away from me.
Why should I give that up?
How can I surrender that to someone else?
And why would another want it?

Each of us is our own clay,
To mould and shape into exactly what we want.
Why add another into the mix?
The two shapes cannot ever be as one.
Nor can the second shape be
Exactly what the first desires.

So I ask:
For whom should I find
My one true love?
For Mother? Father?
Sister, Brother, Grandmother?

They have their own one true love.
And I have myself:
The person I've made, and am making,
Into someone I can love.
The one I can shape and mould,
Every day of my life.
Without conforming to someone else's standards,
Without sacrifice,
Without intrusion.

I've been told:
"You're selfish...
Self-centered...
Self-serving."
But am I?
Has my ego, indeed, run amok?
Or am I, plain and simply put,
And perhaps more than most,
Merely honest?

© ~dal/03Oct95


I
would like to give acknowledgement to a teacher I had as a sophomore in high school named Miss Mathews. She and I attended the same church every Sunday when I was in high school and it was no secret how other women in the congregation viewed her, they had the highest of respect for her as a teacher but none for her as a woman.
When she retired from school teaching certain members thought she would be retiring to a dull and humdrum life so they decided that it was the church's job to take care of her, including handling her finances. I'm not entirely sure that it was the Christian in some of those members that made them want to help her. Leave it to Miss Mathews to put them in their place.
She graciously thanked them for their "Christian love" but declined their help. She said, "I may be old, and I may be a pitiful spinster gal but I'm one who can still do for herself and my life's not over yet I still have a full plate of fun left in me." She was battling breast cancer at that time and no one knew.
I chatted with her last week and she told me that she couldn't let anyone take care of her because she chose the life she's leading and God had equiped her with the tools needed to survive and the money to put herself in a home if ever the need should arise. As for the breast cancer she beat it in record time and didn't lose her breast to it.
Her positive can-do attitude is why she's still around doing the things she enjoy and I want to be like her, seeing no boundaries to my happiness. She's a proud spinster that believes nothing is beyond her reach wouldn't it be nice if all girls and women could be in the presence of such a woman?

It's Conference Time!!

Well it looks like the Leather Spinsters Conference will be taking place after all April 21-22,1999, looks like The Braeswood Hotel & Conference Center will be the hosting site for the first ever conference for leather spinsters. There's been alot of interests generated since the announcement, from as far away as Australia and Japan. That would be very nice to have single women from around the world fellowshipping and sharing with one another. WOW what a picture that would make!!
Registration will officially begin January 4,1999 and for the intinerary to the conference visit website Conference it will give you an idea of the topics to expect.


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