Leather Spinsters Newsletter December 2003 Edition

Leather Spinsters Newsletter December 2003 Edition

Inside this Newsletter

1. Articles

    A. Christmas and the Single Woman
    B. Top Ten Myths About Being Single at Christmas
2. For Your Information

*CHRISTMAS* is around the corner, do you have gifts
for your single women friends yet?

"Happiness is a choice not a given." Regena English


Christmas and the Single Woman

When you think of Christmas do you think of family, friends,laughter, joy, love, giftgiving? Well just because you're single does not mean Christmas should be any different for you.

Don't have family? Hey guess what, family can be anyone you love and loves you back, so the excuse of not having any family members therefore no reason for you to enjoy the holiday season can't truthfully be used.

What can you do to enhance your holiday experience? Search through community newspapers for activities aimed at single people during the holidays and make a point to attend a couple of these events, with friends or alone (if alone do keep safety in mind). Invite loved ones to your home for tree trimming, group cooking, or just to gather around the fireplace with stories and hot chocolate. Volunteer some of your free time to a food bank or some charity that's overly busy this time of year. Last but not least, your attitude colors everything you experience in life so keep it in check and remember to change your negative self talk to positive. The holidays are what you make of them so make them joyous and memorable.


2003 Copyright Regena English All Rights Reserved
the editor of The Leather Spinsters Newsletter for happily unmarried careerwomen,http://www.idesiresuccess.com/report Get the perfect Christmas presents for single women http://leatherspinsters.com/catalog.html

***Editor's Note***
Have a safe and joyous holiday season!!

The Top Ten Myths About Being Single at Christmas

It was Sandy's first Christmas "alone." Her kids were going to their dads. When she told me, she burst into tears. "Christmas Eve alone," she sobbed, unable to continue.

"Come with me I said," beaming. "I'll show you! I have great Christmas Eves." My kids were always at their Dad's on Christmas Eve, because that's when they celebrated the occasion.

"I'll be alone," said Marta. "Alone for Christmas."

"What were you doing last year?" I asked her, knowing full well her circumstances." "I seem to recall you were chasing him down through credit cards, and had just discovered he'd been rendezvousing monthly with a girl-friend in St. Paul."

"Um," she said. "This will be better than that."

A veteran of many Christmases, I'd like to share some thoughts on being single at Christmas time. Not to say that one or the other is better, simply to bring some consciousness to the situation, since there is always a lot of focus on couples and families around this time of year.

Single does not mean alone. Notice that it was the absence of the kids that was plaguing Sandy. And that Marta realized rapidly she was more "alone" with her faithless partner than on her own. "Alone" also does not automatically go with "single" at the holidays. Nor does "being not alone" insure happiness and good times.

More than 48% of US households are headed by unmarried individuals. The American Association for Single People (AASP) projects that by 2010, 47.2% of adults over the age of 18 will be unmarried.

1. Single people are lonely at Christmas.

No moreso than anyone else. Loneliness is a state-of-mind. Single people, used to nurturing themselves, are probably better able to cope with "loneliness". This is a projection of people who fear "being alone for the holidays," probably a fear of the unknown. This is like the myth that seniors are unhappy. (According to studies, the happiest people on earth are people in their 70s.)

2. Single people need you to invite them over to your house for the holidays.

Contrary to perceptions, single people are v. popular at Christmas, and we generally receive lots of invitations. In fact, along about Halloween, it's time to duck-for-cover until I've had time to make up my mind how I want to spend my holidays. If you want us over, invite us, but because you like us, not because you think we need it.

3. Single people don't know what to do for the holidays.

On the contrary, we are used to planning our social lives actively. Having more options in general, we are used to creatively generating alternatives, and making our own decisions.

4. Single people are available to do certain social tasks during the holiday celebration.

We like to be cherished guests. We don't like to be the steer among the bulls - invited to get people who don't get along off of one another's throats. If you don't like your family and friends, why would we? "Can you come over and help out with Aunt Edna?" is not an invitation.

5. Single people are available to do certain physical tasks during the holiday celebration.

Nor is this an invitation: "It's John's in-laws and I want to impress them. Can you come over and help with the hors d'oeuvres?" As best-friend, yes; as the only working-guest, absolutely not.

6. Single people are misfits and outsiders.

On the contrary, most of us have highly developed social skills and Emotional Intelligence skills; that's the reason we get the 'rescue us' invitations! Outsiders? It's about half the adult world now. Take another look!

7. If a single person isn't part of a couple, or doesn't spend Christmas with a couple or family, they will be miserable.

Come on now. Is it so horrible to celebrate Christmas on a cruise to the Caribbean, coming back rested, tanned and relaxed with a ton of cheap L'Alique?

8. The only "happy" way to spend the holidays is if you are a couple or part of a family.

The corollary is also a myth. Statistics belie this. If that were true, we'd be assuming all married couples are happy, and we have a 50% divorce rate. If that were so, half the articles on the Internet this time of year wouldn't be about how to cope with the annual holiday dinner with relatives.

9. The coupled world needs to assist single people through the holiday season or we won't know what to do with ourselves.

Single people are used to running their own lives. We actually have more options, and are used to being creative. If you always go to your mom's for the holidays, what's to decide? Every other year I have complete latitude to plan my Christmas. I'm a pro at it!

10. Single people have "nowhere to go" for the holidays.

Nowhere to go? We have everywhere to go! I loved my years as Mrs. Santa. Now I'm on-the-go. I'm thinking about a German River cruise this year. There are so many places to go I can't decide!!

In fact I have so many neat ideas for spending Christmas on-your-own, if you're stuck I'll give you a FREE 30-minute coaching session. Give me a call - 210-496-0678.
©Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, cEQc, The EQ CoachT, whttp://www.susandunn.cc Coaching, teaching, training, and eBooks for your personal and professional development. There's so much to learn; let's get started! Check out the EQ Library: www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html . Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZine.

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