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Inside this Newsletter
1. Articles
A. Christmas For One
2. Gifts
Give memorable gifts this year to your friends, sisters, mothers,
and aunts, gifts like this pretty
Wall Clock
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My dear friend, poet Dessa Byrd Reed, often spends holidays
alone as a widow. However, she doesn't see this, as many people
often do, as a depressing circumstance. In a November 2000
POETIC VOICES interview, she said, "Because I am single and live
alone, I eat out a lot. I love to talk to strangers. That's one
of my favorite things. I go out for breakfast and talk to
people."
Another talented writer, Leslie Lafayette, dealt with being a
childless woman by choice in WHY DON'T YOU HAVE KIDS?: Living a
Full Life Without Parenthood. You can bet that because of her
choice many people would pity her. She writes the "Alone Again,
Naturally" column for the outstanding magazine THE DESERT WOMAN.
Observers might conclude she's miserable on the holidays.
Both Leslie and Dessa have full lives and radiate Christmas
cheer, not just in December but all year round. While we all
need human contact, it's a mistake to conclude that people
without the traditional family dinner are all on suicide watch.
Anyone who has negotiated where to have Christmas and which
family members can come when, not to mention refereed in-law and
spouse disputes, knows that the allure of having a table for one
at Christmas is powerful.
However, when people aren't alone by choice, Christmas can be
lonely. In Michigan, I interviewed a woman, the founder of a
divorced and widowed support group, who chose to have Christmas
dinner every year for lonely widows, widowers and divorced
people, usually from her support group. Her children understood
that she needed to start this new tradition in her new life.
Similarly, having children around, even with the relentless
gimmes and commercialism, lends a special magic to Christmas,
which is why playing Santa appeals to so many.
The holidays can be joyous if you're alone, or they can be
difficult. As with so much, your feelings depend on your
personality, your circumstances, your childhood, and in many
cases on medical or psychological conditions.
Some tips to remember if you're alone or without your support
system:
*Take time out for spirituality. You might
attend services just to experience human contact and community.
People are generally nicer at Christmas. *Do all the things you
wanted to do but couldn't in your former life. Travel. Even in
this post-9/11 world, you can visit faraway places. There are
many tour groups for singles. *Attend art walks, holiday
concerts, lectures, and movie screenings alone. Or invite a
friend you haven't talked to in a while. *Volunteer—it's a
wonderful way to make friends, stay active, and feel fulfilled.
*Go out to dinner alone! While women in particular feel
uncomfortable, project an air of confidence. You are a strong,
vital woman. This doesn't mean that you should go bar-hopping
or take risks alone at night. But you have the right to ask for
a table for one without feeling as though people are judging
you. (Most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to
notice.) *Gather a circle of friends or people in the same
situation—just make sure the evening doesn't turn into a pity
party. *Don't overdrink, overeat or do drugs. It's just not a
good tradition. *Bake cookies if you're so inclined. Cookies
make wonderful Christmas presents and ways to reconnect with
your friends.
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Kristin Johnson is co-author of Christmas Cookies Are For
Giving: Stories, Recipes and Tips for Making Heartwarming Gifts
(ISBN: 0-9723473-9-9). A downloadablemedia kit is available at
our Web site, www.christmascookiesareforgiving.com
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Copyright 1998-2004, St.Mary Publishing Company of Houston (TM). All Rights Reserved. You may not use any parts of this publication
without permission. Comments may or may not be edited for length. St.Mary Publishing Company of Houston(TM) is not responsible for comments made by authors nor advertiser content,promises, or products. ISSN 1527-7186
*Take advantage of counseling services in your community,
including from your local church, synagogue, temple or other
place of worship.
You may be tempted to think of yourself as Ebenezer Scrooge.
Don't, and boil anyone in his own pudding who calls you
"Scrooge." You are honoring Christmas in your own heart and
keeping it always. Christmas for one, anyone?
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