Sure, you're welcome to publish my thoughts. Again, I'd like to clarify a point. I didn't say the word asexual is disgusting. I only said that I believe the word is being used incorrectly. At the very least, it implies a complete lack of interest in sex. The implication is that the person has never had ANY interest in sex. This isn't the same thing as not having an interest in being in a sexual relationship. In my case, the former is not accurate, the second is reality.

It's your group and your call on what terminology you choose to use. Your strong response when I questioned labeling someone as asexual makes me wonder if this hasn't been an issue before. Words not only describe and define, they evoke emotions...responses. My point was--what's wrong with a new philosophy or point of view developing new terms (hopefully without a lot of negative baggage)? Mary McMann

God bless Mary she didn't understand where she fit into your definitions. Please don't take her note as mean spiritness.Lisa Williams

I think you handled those compliants about the use of the words asexual and leather spinsters very well. Keisha

Some people don't grasp your meaning of the word asexual. Anonymous

Did you not create this newsletter for leather spinsters? Then why should you change your language to accommodate others if it is apart of the leather spinster' s existence?Torre

Regena, you did very well explaining the term asexual. I'm glad you didn't whimp out and give her what she wanted, the x-ing out of the word she claimed offended her. I'm asexual and the term is referring to my sexual identity and I'm not offended. I'm sick and tired of "do gooders" who think everyone must think like them to be included. They don't understand there's no place for women like me to go for support and inclusion. The use of the word asexual validates my life after an entire lifetime with nothing to call myself.Patrice

I'm a proud leather spinster and no I'm not asexual but I support the inclusion of all leather spinsters in the newsletter. This is our newsletter and the terms we're familiar with should be used freely. Those women should just get over it!Valle

Glad to see you didn't get angry with those women for voicing their concerns over the choice of words used in the newsletter. I think they missed the point of the newsletter entirely, to give support to leather spinsters.Debra

Let me understand the complaining women's position. These women are logging their complaints about the usage of asexual and leather spinster in The Leather Spinsters Newsletter??????Stacie

I get very annoyed when people try to make everyone else conform to their beliefs instead of being opened minded. Not once did they consider the overall audience of the newsletter is alright with those terms, they presumed to speak for us all.Vallerie

Madam Editor those women are dealing with their "comfort zones" openly so don't get angry when they voice their opinions. Their response to certain words being used in this newsletter is a clue to where they are in their spinster acceptance. They may come around or they may not but remain patient and loving towards them.Tommie

When I read Miss McMann and Miss McBride's remarks I had a feeling they were opening doors to criticism of older spinsters. I'm older than mud and I'm not offended by the term asexual or the fact you referred to women between the ages of 30-55 as leather spinsters. You explained why you used this age group when explaining leather spinsterhood. I'm sure Mary and Katy can understand how women in our age group dislike being called a spinster, it's a tough cookie to swallow for women over a certain age. Judging by Miss McBride's response to the word she have the same hangups as many women over the age of 55 regarding the term spinster. Before people jump on the bandwagon and site these two remarks as typical of senior women on this list know it is not. Beulah

As long as I was a nun no one cared if I identified as an asexual woman but since leaving the convent it is a issue. How will asexual women find this newsletter if they don't know it's for them because the word offends? No one complained about the usage of the word heterosexual both words describe sexual identities.Mary

I know there are two definitions of the term leather spinster.1)A heterosexual woman who is happily unmarried.2)An asexual woman, a woman not interested in sex and relationships. Why exclude the asexual part of leather spinsterhood? Would that make us any better than the other women newsletters and magazines that pretend there is no such thing as a happily unmarried woman in this world? I believe those women's comments were honest and sincere with no intentions of being offensive to anyone. Those sisters must grasp the "big picture" that asexual women are apart of leather spinsterhood even if we stop making references to asexuality they will always be there.Toriesa

I think those two spinster sisters opened a can of worms but it don't have to be a bad thing. It should be discussed further. My friend unsubscribed earlier this year from the newsletter because of a article on Asexual Women. I asked her why the article bothered her so and she said it was offensive and not "normal". What's not "normal" for a woman to say I have no interest in sex? In the past women were expected to not like sex, to treat it like something dirty they had to do for their husbands. Something has happened with our "sexual liberation" it's no longer liberating.Reece

Mary's letter can easily be takened out of context. I had to reread her letter several times before I understood her point. She wanted to know if leather spinsterhood was for asexual women under 55, if so she didn't qualify as a leather spinster due to her age and heterosexuality. Mary didn't understood the meaning of the term leather spinster so she wanted clarification.Kim

If asexual is out of the question what's left non-sexual? My God that's terrible. It leaves the impression something is physically and mentally wrong with a person. As far as I can see non-sexual is equvalent to a non-person and I'm not a non-person. Ms.McMann don't have a clue to what it feels like to be an asexual person in this sexually charged world. As an asexual woman I'll be the determiner of what I'll call myself.Sara

By Miss McMann's own admittance she's not asexual, therefore, why make a big deal out of her suggestion to drop the usage of the word asexual? I pray she find what she's looking for in a newsletter but I disagree with her suggestion to drop the term asexual. Dorthea

I am a straight woman so I can not relate to being asexual. I can see the point of including them in articles and on the website based on the facts they are women and alone. I must applaud Miss McMann for asking for clarification to the meanings of leather spinster and asexual. There are no dumb questions just people willing to remain ignorant by not asking.Nora

I can remember when I first saw the newsletter in my library I nearly died. I was mislead by the title. Ladies look beyond the title and you will find a great newsletter! Paula Quintinella

I admit I didn't know the meanings to leather spinster or asexual until I found this newsletter. Mary I can relate to your comments. Valencia

If those words are so offensive why are they still reading your newspaper?Becki

My reactions to the term asexual was exactly the same so I can understand her confusion with the term.Lisa Thomas

Will the usage of the word asexual tarnish the mission of the newsletter which is to give a voice to single women? I hope not!Derick ( a leather spinster sensitive man)

Mary I realize you may not be familiar with the term asexual as it is being used in the newsletter but remember this, these women are single just like you and I.Nell

As a woman in her mid sixties I can see how Mary and Katy would misinterprete the meanings of the words. On the other hand, they should understand these are the words used to express this lifestyle. Editress stop explaining your position everyone reading this newsletter knows exactly what kind it is therefore no explanations are needed. My stars who buys a Playboy then write a scolding letter about the nude pictures.June

Regena, I have subscribed to the newsletter and ezine, and I got the newsletter on tuesday. I am afraid I have to criticise it. I hope you can see it is well meant criticism and food for thought. I have told you and others have told you that the term "Asexuality" causes offence, and yet you go on using it. Same with an age limit of 55. Can you not be a little more flexible and say "Leather Spinsters or Steel Magnolias are women who do not want to be married. [ This is after all the main definition of your group ] They/We may be virgin, celibate and gay, straight or asexual or non-sexual" Remember, in computer searches "Asexual" hits large numbers of biological sites, but "non-sexual", which many people would think of first, mostly hits human sites.

And then you say "Lets face it we're all in the same boat as far as our society is concerned. Undesired, frigid, gay, men-haters, misfits, and let's not forget neurotics, take your pick of the words used to describe happily spinstered women."

You may have got a blast out of writing that, but it looks like a chip on the shoulder. Think! Will it make your regular readers feel any warmer about themselves? Will it make browsers feel more like joining? And then you very generously say that you will be at your terminal over the holidays. ( And outside this newsletter, it does no good to impute to others bad motives which they do not have. When thinking of spinsterhood people say " OOOh, lifetime alOOOne", thinking how they would hate a lifetime alone. That is sympathetic fellow feeling - remember what Donna Williams would say about seeing the good in others - but is is misplaced. The response to such a statement should therefore be "Thank you for thinking of my well-being, but actually to be alone is what I want, and it is not so lonely as you might think".Michael Bell

Honey I don't know how you can stand it. Soft skin people nit picking about your site. When will you tell them to start their own? You can't please everyone.Phylis Neumann

The politically correct solution to the word issue is to pretend the words asexual and leather spinster don't exist. Please don't become politically correct because some people don't like the language. The whole purpose of this newsletter is suppose to be for single women to be real with each other. It would be of no use if you changed it every time someone moaned.Deloise

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Spinster Letters

I read a post on the Leather Spinsters message board asking opinions on how Christianity viewed asexual women? Well for starters I'm not asexual but I can answer from the unmarried woman perspective. My singleness wasn't an issue for me until my company transferred me from Chicago to Phoenix. I was raised in the church so it was a foreign feeling to not attend church on a regular basis. I joined a congregation the first week in Phoenix. The pressure to attend singles' functions started almost immediately. I found myself leaving Sunday services early just to avoid certain individuals. Eventually my attendance dropped which left me feeling empty. As a Christian I had to take back my right to worship in peace so I changed churches twice before I found my present church home. I had the impression church members thought something was wrong with me and they were responsible for fixing whatever it was with singles' functions.Patti

I married twice and the first ended in divorce and the second in death. I was 27 when I married the first time, so I loved my single life, but I had to find out about marriage life...lol Well I like the single life better. I do not hate men, but I do not want them in my bed. I like them as I do women...as friends..Judi

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Toni I know you think your story last month had meaning only to you but it warmed my heart. My mother is still alive and we also have a strained relationship. I'm the only child so she's really dissapointed I'm planning on a solitary life. No weddings or children just a yard full of dogs and cats. After reading your letter about your mom I'm rekindling my relationship with my own. Thank you for showing me life is unpredictable and I should appreciate my mother for as long as she's on this Earth plane. 37,Vanessa

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