Leather Spinsters Newsletter
Volume No. 1 Issue No. 5 February 99


Women Afraid of Singleness

It wasn't until I began planning the single women's conference that I realized the extent many women dislike being single. I spent weeks at a time communicating or at very least attempting to communicate with other businesswomen to sell them on the idea of sponsoring the conference. I can't tell you how many times those women made me feel as if I should be whispering when I spoke of the conference. The looks of shock and the rolling of eyes took me by surprise. It made me wonder what was that had so many women out in the streets during the sixties and seventies, wasn't that the Women's Movement or better yet The Liberation Movement. For the life of me I can't see where women are genuinely liberated when it's clear so many still carry the leftover baggage of passed eras.

The women I spoke with acted as if I was peddling pornography, actually I was told by some webmistresses that the conference and the Leather Spinsters' website were offensive, therefore, they weren't interested in exchanging links much less sponsoring such an event. The only way one will ever truly learn from "mistakes" in this case lifestyle they must ask those that are offended what it is that offends. So I asked and those that replied said that the site and conference was inappropriate and degrading of unmarried women. Don't misunderstand me, I wasn't apologizing for creating such a website nor was I begging their pardon for hosting a conference that was called The First Annual International Leather Spinsters Conference. I wanted to know what it was that turned their stomachs about women that saw life as complete being single.

Their explanations were hardly complete nor acceptable by my standards but it did make me face the fact that women in general have yet to reach the point of total comfort with themselves, there are those that still find it necessary to "belong to someone else", just being their own person won't suffice. At what point will women be liberated? It makes me wonder if many really knows what that word mean, or is it they only know what it means when talking about equal rights or the workplace, being able to work in untraditional jobs for women? Now if those women who lack "liberation" saw it to mean as women they could work in untraditional jobs as their meaning of liberated then why can't they see singlehood as a positive and another untraditional venture for women to be all they can be? Also before I leave this subject I want to know what's so "bad" about the Leather Spinsters' website, was it the reference to the sexual damning word "asexuality" or how about "lifetime alone"? The fact that there are women who are offended by the term leather spinster or asexuality is strange to me, at a time when women openly call themselves bitches and hoes, leather spinster and asexuality offend.

Frankly I think what offend is the mere thought that not all women will marry whether or not they desire it, now that's the offense they were too ashamed to say.


I would like to wish Conniejo of Sioux Falls a happy birthday February 30th and may she live 42 more years from your sister Beverly. Beverly

I was fifteen my mother left us with our great-aunt for what was suppose to be a weekend turned into four years. Now I know everybody stereotype aunts as the spinsters in the family but mine really was. She did for us as if we were her own children, she did more for us in those fours years than my mother my entire life. She taught my brother and I skills we could use to put ourselves through college, both of us worked as book-keepers, I was one for a lumber company and my brother a grocery store. There's wasn't anything we couldn't do, she always told us to reach for the stars because we could reach them just by being persistent. She didn't have a family pushing her to succeed in whatever she wanted to do so she made it an issue to push us to be our best. That accountant I called my Momma May was really my Aunt Maggie May the woman that helped me become the woman I am today. She's gone on to the other side but she still lives in my heart and I pay tribute to her whenever I can. Veronica

Spinster Letters

I read the story about the minster's daughter from last month I saw myself. My father was a sweet dear man but one thing he couldn't understand about me was my carefree attitude about life. He like so many other fathers and mothers tried to put the fear of loneliness in my heart when he saw that time was moving along and I wasn't married. I'm not sure if the writer of last month's letter accepted her father for the way he felt but I did. I wasn't rude to him and I didn't walk away from his love. I let him have his say gave him acknowledgement of his beliefs and went on my way. When people, parents in particular try to steer their children away from the unmarried state it's from fear of leaving their children mainly their daughters in this world alone, without someone to see after their well-being. Yeah I do believe that's an old-fashion approach to women, them not being able to fend for themselves in the "big bad world. But understand parents see themselves as the protectors of their children regardless to their kids ages so it's natural for them to put scare on their daughters. Ladies have patience with your parents because their parental urge is speaking when trying to pursuade you to find someone and settle down. 48, librarian,Dynna

I had to respond to the treatment you received by other women. I think it's deplorable how they acted. Whatever happened to women supporting each other, so what this conference is for single women, do we not need support too? I see this type of unsupport in the workplace everyday and I'm sick of it. Why can't women be united and supportive of programs to help women? We can clamor for various causes and our hearts will go out to every type of minority or diverse group there is but don't let single women ask for recognition as another diverse group, the kindness will soon end. Please don't give up hang in there not all of us are scared of being single for life, unfortunately those women you spoke to were so what more can you expect from that kind of woman. 35, Demetrice

I can't believe those women acted that way how terrible. Sounds like there are some women that need to check their attitudes to see why they reacted negatively. 28, Tracy



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