Shara at 46 was told by her doctor she was going through menopause as a reason for her faintness. For some reason hearing she was menopausal sent her into a deep depression. Shara had contacted me on the hopes I could help lift her from depression. I wasn’t sure how I could help her effectively since I’ve yet to experience menopause and all I had to go on were books and comments from others.

After we spent fifteen minutes or so emailing one another the reason behind her depression became apparent. She was depressed because in her mind motherhood represented a passed opportunity. As many of you may know when I get curious on a subject I ask others for their opinions, which is what I did in this case. I wanted to know if other women felt as she did when they learned they were menopausal.

For the record, not every woman is approachable on the subject of menopause and for some it is shrouded in secrecy. Anyway, I’ve included some of their responses and I hope their candid comments help others like myself who’ve yet to experience the “change of life” understand what we could possibly expect when our time arrive.

“I felt short changed when I started having my first symptoms of menopause. I can’t say I wanted any children just felt less than my usual self. For me menopause said I was no longer eligible for a man to come on to me.” 57, Dorothy Mae

"I was scared out of my mind I might be pregnant. Sure didn't want to be "knocked up" at 53 after spending my young life avoiding it. A sigh of relief came over me when my lab results came back. A good friend had a mid-life baby and her pregnancy caused alot of complications so no way did I want to be in her shoes. Nope I don't regret not becoming a mom and I didn't sit around crying because I was in menopause." 61,Elenora

“Menoapuse screamed over the hill and that made me depressed for a couple of years. Yes I thought about all my young years being spent nurturing my career and not babies. I would cry over not having children. It didn’t make much sense of me crying because I chose my life it wasn’t forced on me. Motherhood wasn’t for me by any stretch of the imagination.” 61,Philyss

“I was so relived when my doctor said I was menopausal. I had lost a very dear friend to ovarian cancer and I was horrified of getting it. Really I don’t remember any side effects other than the sporadic but heavy cycles. Those cycles would be heavy for a day or two then they would stop. I never knew when I would have my cycle so I wore Depends so I wouldn’t be caught off guard. No I didn’t whine over losing my ability to have kids. That’s a time to celebrate a new phase in your life not to cry over your past choices.” 63,Carol

“Hmm I found myself depressed for a little while but then I thought it was the lack of hormones that made me depressed so I requested hormone therapy. Hormone therapy wasn’t the cure all for my depression it was my perceptions of myself as a menopausal woman. Once I realized I was getting older but that didn’t mean I was unproductive and unattractive the depression went away. Children or the fact I didn’t have any weren’t a factor in my depression.”51,Sammie

“Six years I had hot-flashes. Six long years I suffered with getting hot and cold in flashes. I didn’t have any depression just inconvenience. Maybe the reason depression over losing my reproductive capabilities weren’t an issue with me was due to my having a son and grandchildren. My doctor warned me I could be one of those women who would spend five years with irregular cycles before menstruation finally ceased. He was wrong my period stopped within the first year of finding out I was in menopause. It was the hot-flashes that dragged on for six years. I know I’m going on and on about the hot-flashes but these were the only annoyances I dealt with as a menopausal woman. I’m glad it’s all over.” 62, Ellen

“I can understand how depressed a person can be when in menopause. I’m menopausal and I spend much of my day dreading each minute. I’m afraid to wear white for fear I’ll have one of those days when the dam breaks. No warnings just this rush of blood seeping through my clothes and down my legs. It’s horrible when that happens. My mood swings keep me home most of the time. One minute I’m having fun the next I can bite someone’s head off. My doctor put me on hormones until I started gaining weight at a crazy rate. Thirty pounds in three and a half months. Right now I’m taking a herbal formula and it helps in easing my crankiness and weight gain. I pray every night for God to hurry this process it’s wearing me out. Yes I’ve had my moments when I thought about those news articles saying birth mothers had a lighter time of menopause. I refused to have children out of wed-lock so not having children was a conscious choice on my part. Sometimes I’m depressed over not having them, everything depresses me on some days.” 49,Debbie

“I felt relieved when I was told by my physician I was going through the change. It meant to me a new life with new challenges and that excited me. I became reassured of myself. Yes I wanted some mood swings like my mom when she was going through the change. There were people I wanted to go ballistic on so I could use my menopause as an excuse but it never happened for Christ’s sake. No I didn’t feel depressed over not having children which was great because I was raising my nieces at the time I was going through the passage.”64,Morgan

“I can truthfully say my best friend during my transitional phase was Tylenol. Never had I suffered from headaches or migrains until that time of life. It was torture. My doctor gave me some of everything to stop my headaches to no avail. Then one day he threw his hands in the air and told me to try hormones cause damn he couldn’t figure me out. I’ve been fine ever since. No regrets of not having kids, maybe if I didn’t have those headaches blinding me so often I probably would’ve had some regrets.”51,Doris

“I can remember crying at the drop of a pin over stupid things. Yes I can recall sitting on the edge of my bed an entire day in tears for no reason whatsoever. I can’t recall if I cried some over not being a mother.”57,Nell

“I kissed a very good job goodbye during my menopause. I cursed my boss who had a nasty little habit of being overly friendly. One day he brushed up against me and I verbally chastised him. Everyone in the office heard. Ok you were asking about feelings of regret of not being a mom, no I didn’t have any. Actually menopause was a awakening to me sexually. Maybe that’s more than you wanted to know but it really was so I can only say good things came from it for me.”65,Leslie

"With all the medical advances being made women of the future will be spared the discomforts their poor moms and grandmothers had to endure. Women in their twenties and thirties can relax because they will have totally different "change of life" experiences to report."Dr.Janice Lewis

Speaking with the above women gave me some idea of what menopause could be like for many women. It was also an eye-opener as to how it affects different women. All I know is when the time comes for my body to begin the process of ceasing it’s reproductive functions I want to be like Morgan and wish for certain symptoms. Ok, ok I’m not one to wish for symptoms of anything but I would like smooth sailing in regards to menopause. Please, please don’t let me be the woman standing in the grocery store fanning herself with the freezer door trying to cool off from a hotflash. Come to think of it, fanning myself with a freezer door isn't all that bad when you think about some of the real misery women could face while in menopause. I would like to thank those readers for sharing their very personal experiences for the sake of my curiousity of menopause.

Ladies if you are experiencing menopause please get a complete physical and make sure you ask your physician about the options available to help elliviate the symptoms. Also before I go make sure you're getting enough calcium in your diets to help prevent osteoporosis another possible side effect of menopause.

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The footsteps of those proud spinsters that have gone before and those that are soon to follow.

Spinster Letters

I heard about this newsletter when I was visiting in Lubbock for the holidays. At the time I heard the radio commercial about the newsletter I was feeling like a third wheel. My cousins are fun to be around two are married and one engaged so you can imagine how I was feeling. The commercial was so funny but it caught my attention. It was a big joke to my cousins and their husbands so we all went to the website on one of their kid’s computers. All I can say is they are not laughing anymore, they saw it was a legitmate website and not a porno site. 39, Sarah

What a commercial, I couldn’t believe there was such a site for single women I had to take a look. Great just great!!! 33, Stevie

The commercial is really catchy. My grand-niece helped me find the world wide web address. Did you know spinster was a cuss word when I was a girl? Single women can be proud of themselves now and I am happy to have seen the day when they could be happy without the pity. 66, Special

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Inspiration Corner

After my husband passed twenty years ago I promised myself I would live for me. My husband was a good guy but he was demanding and so needy. For the first year after his death I thought I would go crazy because I had forgotten how to be me. I went back to school and that was the catalyst I needed for change. I've read where other women developed themselves when they went back to school and I can believe it. It takes courage to go back to college as a middle aged woman. Walking into a classroom of eighteen and nineteen year olds can be unnerving but you can get pass that if you want more from life than sitting at home grieving. I went back to school and now I have a career as a paralegal. If you find yourself a widow or orphan because your husband or parents died surround yourself with life and reasons to live. School then a career was the answer for me and I think it could be for others if they are willing to to push themselves.66,Vivian

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