Spinster Letters

I stayed a virgin until 25,and you would not believe how I was tormented by people who felt it was not good for my sanity not to have sex! If I could go back,I would just pretend I was having sex,so they would SHUT UP! I am now 56,and I did marry and I had a daughter,who is now 18. I have been celibate since her conception and for a reason...Men lie and cheat,and I do not want to die of AIDS because of a husband who does not care who he has sex with. I left my husband and then he died,when our daughter was 7.He had a heart attack,and he was a nice man,but he was like Bill Clinton,and that can be dangerous for a wife. Who knew what STD he was bringing home,and what about loyalty? I do not hate men,but I can only have platonic relationship with them,so if they stray, my health is not put to risk. Gay men tend to be very understanding,and I like them very much. Again, Thank you for this area. Judith

My parents see me as a failure because I've never married and I'm a 41 year old virgin. I didn't plan on my life turning out this way. It's my choice to not marry. I rather not marry anyone if I have to give up all the things I find important. Twice I was asked to get married but both of them wanted me to move away from ailing parents and a business I worked very hard to start. My parents have a son who have a family to take care of so I can't go running off leaving my parents to fend for themselves. One man told me that's why I'm a old maid because I didn't want to live away from my parents. Both men only wanted me as their wives to take care of their children from other relationships. I don't mind children but they take up alot of time, my time if the men had their way. I know to other people I'm an old maid but to me I'm a successful business women. Successful because I don't mind being happy by myself, I don't mind working for what I want. I guess deep down I don't want a husband because I've turned two men away and don't regret it. I'm having the best time in my life. I know what it means to be in my prime. 41, owner of dog grooming shop, Doris

Preacher daughters weren't suppose to be spinsters so I can relate to those women in the book Leather Spinsters who families were embarassed by them. My father a baptist minister in Louisiana excludes me from certain functions because he could no longer make up any excuses on my behalf on why I don't have a husband at my age. Deep down I think he think I'm gay which I'm not.

Now he sees me as a used up 45 year old menopausal woman who will need her family to take care of her in her old age. I don't think my father will ever see me any different than that description. Of all of my accomplishments he will never see me as anything else but an unwanted woman.I'm an accountant with a office of 20 employees, president of a local business women association, volunteer accountant for two non-profit organizations, and a adoptive mother of three. And yet my father can't see my contributions to society he can only see that I didn't get married.

I don't understand how a entire community of people can focus so narrowly on life and what it may mean to them. A woman can be all that she want to be without being someone's wife. I'm use to my father's rejection of my choosing to live without a husband but he isn't. He's from the old school that says God made women for specific purposes, wifely duties and motherhood are those purposes. I don't buy that and didn't buy it as a stubborn child and I won't perpetuate that myth to my children.

I had to learn to live without family (blood) support and acknowledgement for so long it don't hurt anymore. So when I hear women cry about feeling alone I can relate, I use to feel alone until I discovered that there were other leather spinsters. Now I have another family that accepts me and my adoptive children with real love. I'm thankful for God bringing these women into my life at a time when I really needed them. 45,accountant,Gloria

No To Spinster Support Yes To Women Support

For three months I worked tirelessly to organize The First Annual International Leather Spinsters Conference, with the cheerful sounds of celebration ringing in my ears. Last Friday the grits hit the fan so to speak when a possible sponsor told me that she rather not sponsor the conference because it was aimed at single women and she thought that would be a "hopeless cause". Doing all that I could to prevent the loss of my professional attitude I told her that single women endure alot of pressure from others in society to conform and could use the support of one another. I went on to say how single women face subliminal programming everywhere they turn saying that they're less than if they don't have a mate. Her response to my comment was, "they don't have to listen!".

This was the second business person I had approached who had questioned the concept of the conference, offering support if I changed the target audience to include all women. I flatly refused, single women rarely get positive reinforcement and this conference would give them the fellowship and emotional support we so desperately need. Do you know the sad part, both potential sponsors were women, one of whom was single. Pathetic!!

Now that's my proof that the image of single women need to be changed from that of lonely failures unworthy of anything (including a conference) to women worthy of All. Unlike those women I do see the need for leather spinsters to congregate and share survival skills and I'm determined to make this conference happen. I've been praying for the support of leather spinsters everywhere to support one another otherwise we'll be forced to exist in shame of our marital status.

I've been very fortunate to have a family that don't pressure me to get married like so many other women I know. There was never a time I regretted being without a husband and I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've asked women who could relate to my feelings to speak at the conference to help those sisters that didn't feel as strongly or positively about their lifestyle. I'm sure we all could think of some women that lack confidence and self-esteem when comes to being unmarried. Those guilty feelings runs deep when you talk to women who think their lives will be happier if only they could get married.

Nobody's saying these women will never get married but they do need to live their lives to the fullest regardless of whether or not they have a husband at their sides. That's what this conference is all about, living life to the fullest. None of us know exactly what life have stored for us tomorrow morning much less the next minute so we must not take it for granted.

There are those that think a single woman's entire day should be spent thinking up ways to "catch herself a man". I think that's time wasted and would be best spent enjoying every moment. I can honestly say I'm disappointed with the reactions of certain business women towards single women, the very people who should know better.

The footsteps of those proud spinsters that have gone before and those that are soon to follow.

Inspiration Corner

December 14th marked my twentieth year anniversary I left the convent. It took me eight years to actually get up the nerve to walk away after much inner turmoil. It took a minor stroke and a wide variety of illnesses before I knew that I was very unhappy there. My parents forced me into the convent because they found out I didn't want to date and had no intentions of marrying. They automatically assumed I was a funny girl and was a threat to my sisters if I continued to stay home. So at 16 I was put in the convent for "my own good". I didn't like it at first but that had changed when I met sisters who felt like me about marriage and children. The problems started when they started leaving the order to become what you call leather spinsters. They had careers and homes and personal meaning in life. I saw that and began questioning my life, so much questioning I stayed sick. A burden was lifted when I left the convent to be on my own, of course my father had been dead for a while before I left. Since leaving I have a enjoyable and exciting life, I lost 25 pounds without dieting, I'm healthy and my doctor swears I look no older than forty. I don't care if he's telling the truth or not I feel like I'm forty and life has meaning to me now. Some spinster friends and I bought ourselves some motorcycles and went on a riding vacation last year. Me a ex-nun riding a motorcycle. 68, ret.nurse Magadalen

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