The footsteps of those proud spinsters that have gone before and those that are soon to follow.

Have You Exhaled Yet?


I had heard that Waiting To Exhale was a good movie so I rented a copy. It was entertaining if that was the main goal of the film but it typified single women right down to the idea a married man is better than no man. The part I had difficulty understanding was the mother encouraging her daughter to continue a dead relationship that couldn’t possibly lead anywhere with this married man. The mother’s justification was “I don’t want you to end up like me, alone”. My question is what’s so bad with a woman alone? The movie reflected life all too well, at least how people in this culture think about single women, desperate moments eating at our souls.

The best part of the movie was when the daughter told her mother there was a possibility she would spend the rest of her life alone but she was going to make the most of her life [paraphased of course]. I cheered for that daughter when she verbalized her mother’s worst fear, her being contented with a lifetime of singleness without the guilt. The women in that movie did everything but jump the men from behind out of fear they would find themselves alone.The entire movie was about women believing they’re not complete without a man. It’s a shame women buy into the thought that their entire lives are to be spent setting traps for men as if nothing else matters. I’ve never married and I don’t feel guilty about not getting married. Last year I stopped dating because I was tired of the confusion caused by men thinking I wanted a serious relationship. When I was buying into that I couldn’t find one man interested in a commitment, now, I’m overrun with offers, I can’t figure that one out. Could it be that men only want to commit to a woman that don’t need them as much as they need her? Whatever the case I’m turning them away and they keep coming. Have you exhaled? It’s my choice not date so you’re not going to find me waiting to exhale because I already did! 41,Yuncie

Inspiration Corner

(Mary asked if I would place her letter in the Inspiration Corner to be of help to others like her.)

I spent most of my adult life wondering about the people around me, was there anybody that felt as I did about marriage, motherhood, sex? While living the religious life I wondered how many of the sisters I lived and worked with had the same feelings of not being apart of the world and retreated to the religious life to hide. Eventually we all face our demons, that plaguing feeling of abnormality because we didn’t want what our culture told us we was suppose to want as normal women.

Hiding in the religious life made matters more frustrating because you’re trying to live an exemplary life according to God’s word and be true to your place in life at the same time. My place was to be husbandless and childless, but being true to myself left a feeling that I was not living according to God’s will of being paired and fruitful.

Occasionally I visit with other ex-nuns and we talk about why we left our religious vocations behind, and someone always brought up that feeling of not belonging. There we were running from a culture that felt foreign to us to another culture that preached relentlessly the very things we didn’t want, marriage. Our illusions were shattered of the religious life being the sanctuary we all craved, we were required to spread the word to others to be married and parents, in that order. It’s the hypocrisy that frustrates the most, preaching something we didn’t believe to other women so that they would conform to the church teachings.I don’t face that frustration anymore since leaving my order, my leaving wasn’t the cure, refusing to believe that the church knew what was best for me was. Only I will stand before God to answer for my life, that being the case I should live my life for me.

I was asked by another how I knew I made the right decision by leaving the religious life? I answered her by saying I don’t spend my waking hours wondering if I did, I accept each day as another of God’s blessings and live for each minute of that day, that’s my marker for knowing I made the right decision. 46,Mary

Spinster Letters

How interesting that your newsletter this month includes a story about single parent adoptions! Ever since becoming an adoptive (married) parent myself, more than twenty-five years ago, I have been helping others with their adoption pursuits. During all these years, fully one third of my clients have been single women. One of my clients just brough her third baby home from Central America.

Do keep telling single women that they CAN be mothers, if they wish, and that adoption is a wonderful way of achieving that goal! Best regards,
Lya Sorano
www.lyasorano.com

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Healthy Hero Sandwich

A weakness I have is to sandwiches especially during the summer months when I feel lazy. Here’s a recipe for a Hero Sandwich I think you will find tasty.

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 medium red oinion (thinly sliced)
1 tablespoon of minced garlic
1 pound of thinly sliced eggplant
1 sliced bellpepper
2 teaspoons of balsamic vinegar
1/2teaspoon crushed dried basil leaves
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 loaf Italian bread
1/2 pound thinly sliced luncheon meat or smoked turkey
1 slice mozzarella cheese
1 slice of cheddar cheese
2 tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon of mustard
Heat olive oil in skillet then add garlic and onions until golden, stir constantly to keep from burning. Add the rest of the ingredients minus the meat and cheese. Stir the vegetables until soft and most of the juices have evaporated. Remove from heat source and cooled. Bread is sliced lengthwise, spread thin coat of mustard on both sides. Then place cheeses on top then add cooked veggies, last but not least add the meat. Yummmy!!!

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