Leather Spinsters Newsletter June 2000 Edition

Leather Spinsters Newsletter June 2000 Edition


Inside this Newsletter

1. Articles

    A. What type of characteristics describe you best?
    B. OVER 30: Portraits of Unmarried Women
2. Spinster Letters
3. What's Happening?
4. Advertisements
5. Helpful Products
6. Spinster-Friendly Newsletters and Ezines

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What type of characteristics describe you best?
Written by Niloufar Abedi,

Introvert, Extrovert, Serious, whimsical, Considerate or Self- centered?

The individual characteristics that identify your unique personality consists of instinctive responsiveness and spontaneous self- assertiveness. This characteristics are mixed in with and modified by the ways you have learned to act and react. From your early childhood, you have observed the actions and attitudes of your role- models (parents, siblings, family, teachers) toward different situations in your environment and cultivated your own unique personality according to your assessment and interpretation of their behaviors in relation to your own needs and drives.

These interactions have eventually formed into definite behavior that defines your personal characteristics. These characteristics explain your interaction with your society (the outer-world observer), your attitude toward yourself and your dreams (the inner-world caretaker), and the way you balance the demands and needs of these two (The negotiator).

A balance between these three parts of your character (the outer- world observer, the inner-world caretaker, and the negotiator) creates an unbeatable inner team that will give you a competent personality. This competency includes self-understanding, self-respect and self- efficiency. With this type of character, you will have the ability and the drive to be creative and positive in your life, to endure and survive any hardship, and to demand success on your own terms. Here is a short review for these three categories.

The outer-world observer in you is responsible for making you an active and accepted participant in your society. As you grow up, most of your training is usually geared toward learning how to fit in your society. You learn to understand and evaluate the needs and demands of your culture. You also learn to provide or satisfy those needs and demands. If you don't, the society you live in will simply discard you. Therefore, you start and continue your adult life with major concentration on your acceptance, recognition and relationship with others. Your social success is usually set by your achievements and accomplishments in your society. Hence, the observer usually takes most of your attention.

The inner-world caretaker's job is to help you understand what your personal dreams are and encourage you to turn them into achievable goals. You have to pay particular attention to the inner-world caretaker because the outer-world observer has a way of demanding your attention and forcing the inner-world caretaker to take the second priority. Therefore, the caretaker is constantly struggling to keep your dreams alive and hopefully bringing them to your attention.

The negotiator is responsible for creating a sense of order and balance between the outer-world observer and the inner-world caretaker. If the priorities and destination of both the observer and the caretaker are the same, then the negotiator will prioritize the needed actions that must be taken as you face different challenges in your life. If the observer and the caretaker do not have a harmonious destination, then the negotiator has to constantly justify the demand of the observer to the caretaker and the needs of the caretaker to the observer. At the same time, the negotiator must decide on the priorities of what must be done and negotiate the time and effort either the observer or the caretaker must have.

You must take the responsibility of creating a situation that will give you the chance to meet with the demands of your society as you fulfill your own dreams. Then you will have a single destination to focus on. The signal for this situation is the jubilant and exhilaration you feel in your daily life. If you are not receiving this signal, your outer-world observer and your inner-world caretaker do not have a harmonious destination. Therefore, you have a feeling of agitation and fatigue. These feeling will take considerable amount of your time and energy which you have to compensate for by reducing the attention and consideration you would have given to your inner-world caretaker. Then you will naturally put your dreams on hold for a later date.

As you grow older, you become more established in your society and develop a lifestyle that absorbs your total attention. However, this is also the time when you become aware of your mortality and deeply sense the meaning of passing time. You finally have the urge to pay attention to your inner-world caretaker and fulfill all of those dreams and needs that so far you have had to put on hold. You start realizing that the "later date" is now. You either start paying attention to your inner-world caretaker and give in to the urge of fulfilling your dreams. An action that is usually known as "midlife crisis", and very often will put the outer-world observer in a secondary position. A place that your society will have difficulty to accept. Else, you will once again suppress the voice of your inner-world caretaker. An action that will develop various self-righteous characteristics in you in response to your inner-world dissatisfaction.

As an adult you have the ability of analyzing and reforming any of your characteristics that is preventing you from reaching your goals. To start this reformation you have to take several steps. First: clearly understand what your goals are. Second: study and analyze the actions you take and the reactions you have toward other people and different circumstances. This understanding will help you discover your strengths and your weaknesses and allow you to plan your actions in a way that you can capitalize on your strengths and avoid your weaknesses. At the same time, your awareness of your weaknesses will give you the opportunity to work toward eliminating them. Third: evaluate your personality and eliminate any behavior that could turn you into a procrastinator.

I have explained these three steps in this and two previous articles titled: (the role of LUCK in your success, and Is your personality helping or hindering your success). There are several other basic principals that I will hopefully cover in the future articles. However, the most important fact to remember is this. The road of success is always under construction. If you understand and follow the basic principals of success, you can avoid the major hurdles and pitfalls of this road. You will also have the ability to build the road on your own terms as you move forward.

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OVER 30: Portraits of Unmarried Women
Written by Barbara Colombo and Christopher Miller

Nineteen million adult women remain unmarried in the United States alone. This represents a significant trend and an anomaly of our time. The touring photograph-text exhibit,"OVER 30: Portraits of Unmarried Women," created by Colorado Artist, Barbara Colombo, addresses this issue with a collection of black and white photographic portraits of heterosexual women over thirty years of age who remain unattached, some unwillingly, some by design. The OVER 30 exhibit is available to libraries, colleges, universities, women's studies programs and centers, museums and other community organizations.

Several newly published books on the topic and over fifty magazine articles, from Newsweek to Essence, focus on the unmarried woman. The unmarried women featured in OVER 30 are between the ages of thirty and eighty-six with personal statements by each subject. OVER 30 travels to communities nationwide.

OVER 30 is the brainchild of the photographer's own personal experience. In a young culture devoid of common ritual, marriage seems to be a hallmark of adulthood. Upon reaching and passing the 30 year milestone in life, Barbara Colombo found herself questioning her circumstances. "Where were all the things that a woman should have by her thirties? Where was the husband? What about children and career?" In other words, all the dictates of popular culture.

The touring OVER 30 exhibit presents women rising above this sea of culturally imposed "shoulds" and gender based stereotypes to find personal contentment and focus. It explores the contemporary question of how women approach adult life in the absence of marriage. One subject, 39 year-old vapor operator, Theresa, admits: "It's not the life I wanted this late in the game. I always wanted to get married and have 12 kids when I was young and crazy." Another subject, Sonya, 32, reflects: "I'm married to Life, to Love, to Spirituality... In my heart, though, I've married a few men .... Enough to know that's all that really counts."

The OVER 30 exhibit has received rave reviews nationwide. Lee Reilly, the author of "Women Living Single" (1996); and "Teaching Maggie" (2000) states: "In these engaging, touching, and honest photos, Barbara Colombo explores the faces and the lives of women who are frequently misunderstood -- yet represent more than 12 percent of women over 30. These images set the record straight: unmarried women over the age of 30 are beautiful, interesting, bold, focused, complex, and compelling. The photos -- and the women in them -- shine a light on our fears and misconceptions, and they expand our understanding and appreciation of the feminine experience".

"Barbara Colombo's dramatic black and white photos show a powerful commitment and talent in expressing the integrity of women's lives," indicates one exhibitor, The Women's Art Center & Gallery of Denver, Colorado. The 4th Street Photo Gallery, New York, NY, states "OVER 30 was accomplished with much grace. She's learned about how creating art works for her and she's struck a chord: the crowds think the exhibit is very thought-provoking."

To learn more about bringing OVER 30 to your community, contact: ChrisComm Management, at 570-675-4933, or email: chriscom@microserve.net.

####


Barbara Colombo received an M.F.A. with honors in photography from the Rhode Island School of Design. She has produced and directed award-winning videos and photographic exhibitions throughout the country and her work is in the private collection of several institutions.

Photo Identification:


* Sonya, 32 w/Maya (l). Vocalist, Composer, Artist

"I'm married to Life, to Love, to Spirituality...I'm not sure how long it will take for someone else to want to wear all those rings! In my heart, though, I've married a few men...Enough to know that's all that really counts.

As an interracial /intercultural single woman in my mid-thirties lifetime, I have one treasure above them all and it is my freedom to decide whom I will, or will mot cherish-regardless of my social boundaries.

As an artist in spirit, I am grateful for my femininity, as it does seem to expose me to much more than I had really bargained for-both in joys and sorrows.

As a human being, I embrace all that I have become and appreciate all which has yet to come my way. After all, married women are only stronger for appreciating their singularity-not by the sheer fact of marriage. Still I wish I had children."

*Tracy, 35
Artist, Poet, Management Specialist

How do I feel being an unmarried woman at this point in my life?

I feel great! My journey as an independent woman over thirty has been full of spiritual enrichment, opening my heart and mind, channeling my creativity, discovering more about me every year, volunteering and traveling aound the world.

Do I want to get married?

Yes, absolutely. It seems that finding a soulmate is merely a matter of accumulating enough soul oneself. I want to marry someone who will collaborate with me in discovering ways to make our commitment to a passionate relationship more complete, virtuous and harmonious.


* Michelle, 32 w/Caterina & Tiger Lily.
Mother, Artist, Astrologer.

"I've learned that to be really fulfilled, it must come from within and from one's connection to God. My real gifts are my children."

Christopher Miller
ChrisComm Marketing & Management
PO Box 1493 * Kingston, PA 18704
Phone: 570-675-4933
Fax: 570--675-4980
chriscom@microserve.net

Spinster Letters

I've had the intention of telling my story for a long time but fear kept me silent. My name is Carmen I'm a 46 year old former-nun or ex-nun, or whichever you feel is appropriate. I know there are women reading this newsletter who think women like me are betrayers of God. I'm not!

I couldn't go on pretending I was happy with people telling me when and what I was to do. I left a domineering step-father to serve for the rest of my life under a domineering church and religion.

I don't know how it feels to want marriage or even children for that matter. Now, my confession don't mean I dislike men or children. I just don't have the same passion to have them like other women. I thought becoming a nun would make me feel more normal and complete but it didn't.

I didn't know what I was suppose to do when I lacked the feelings to seek out a mate. Becoming a nun was the answer for me so I thought. A quiet way of hiding from those annoying people who constantly questioned me. I could calmly exist behind my veil without the worried looks and probing questions.

I felt safe for awhile, then my order elected to lose our veils. I was back where I started. The questions as to why I wasn't married cranked up again. Telling them I was a sister didn't make matters any better. People really thought I was bizarre wanting to commit to a God none has seen while giving up the pleasures of my body and heart.

It was bearable while in a religious setting of my peers but once I left that environment I became a target. I've been accused of being afraid of being labeled as an "out" lesbian and of men. According to those who debated my presence in the sisterhood, "such a pretty woman wouldn't give up the possibilities of marriage and sex if she wasn't running from issues".

They were right on one thing, I was running from issues. The issue of me not wanting people to judge me wrongfully for being unwanting of a husband and children. The sisterhood was my unhappy home for nineteen years. I made up my mind to stop caring what people thought and said about my choosing to not have a mate and offspring. It was then I accepted the fact I was living a lie and it was time for me to face the truth.

No, I don't want a husband or boyfriend. No, I don't want children of my own. Yes, I like men and yes I love my nieces and nephews. Yes, for a long time I felt ashamed of being void of those female impulses. Not anymore!

I was so tired of feeling ashamed of how I felt I had to do something. I'm where I'm comfortable with myself and it's not such a bad place to be. If you can't understand why I did what I did join the rest but my days of running and hiding like a wanted person are over. There are no ducking of questions I'm just as honest with others as with myself. If they can understand my past turmoil great, if not fine. Who said dealing with asexuality would be easy?Carmenita Delgado

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What's Happening?

For those of you who don't know there will be a cruise organized for leather spinsters and their supporters for next May. The exact date has yet to be decided but I'll keep you posted.

I want to also let you all know that the conference next year will be September 1, 2001 at The Westin Harbour Castle Hotel in Toronto, Ontario, Canada . We're already conversing with businesses in that province for their sponsorship and the response has been favorable.

Also next spring and summer there will be some Hen Wagons operating in the northeastern US thanks to Gloria T of New York. Ladies if you would like to organize functions in which leather spinsters could socialize by all means share with the list and I'll post the news in the newsletter.

For those of you with motorcycles and would be interested in short road trips in Louisiana and Texas please let me know so I can pass the word to individuals who are organizing such affairs.

Also, to all leather spinster businessowners please feel free to contact me when you want to promote your business to other spinsters.

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