By Regena English

For the past four months I've been intending to write an article on leather spinsterhood but for some reason never found the time to do so. It wasn't until I received an email expressing disappointment from a woman about lesbianism and leatherspinsters.com that I finally found myself putting my thoughts on paper.

Hi Regene -- I eagerly went to the Leatherspinster website only to find it a heterosexual-only site. How ironic that you've chosen a name rife with homosexual history and inneundo. There could hardly be a site like yours today if it weren't for our lesbian sisters who risked their lives and their livelihoods to stand up for women's rights (and their right to exist without a man) in the past. How shameful and disappointing! cp

When I read the above email my eyes rolled to the top of my head (with irritation, of course). Then it dawned on me, this was the perfect moment to not be offended but instead to throw straightforwardness, love, and compassion back at the email sender. The thought of leather spinsters being ok in celebrating themselves is beyond the disappointed woman's comprehension, so she assumed in order for a leather spinsters site to exist it must condemn lesbianism (or possibly marriage, my addage).

Since the arrival of the above email I thought seriously about what leather spinsterhood meant to me. No matter how "I wanted to not offend" in describing who I felt myself to be, it was unavoidable. No it's not about being vindictive or angry, no it's about how I see myself as a woman. I have the power and freedom to live on my terms, to shamelessly place myself first in my life, and to not feel I have to apologize for being someone I'm not, like gay and or wanting marriage. Being able to feel ok about who I am without concerns of it being politically incorrect in describing myself. Now that's what leather spinsterhood means to me, freedom to be me.

What I found so fascinating about the above author was her inability to accept female diversity, shaming those who celebrated their differences independently of lesbians. When I wrote Leather Spinsters and Their Degrees of Asexuality I discovered a subculture of women I never knew existed, hearing their cries to know each other fueled the writing of the book along with the development of The Leather Spinsters site.

Like so many I get tingles of excitement in my belly when I meet other leather spinsters, it's like no other excitement. Silly? Maybe to some people. I equate it more with being British in Mexico and running into another British person, somebody that can relate to your experiences. Lashing out in disappointment against leather spinsters for wanting to meet others that can relate to their existence is, to admit one is not aware of the diversities that exist within the female population. I don't hold her view of leather spinsterhood against her, actually I thank her for motivating me to finally write the article I've been intending to write.

It's apparent she don't know leather spinsterhood have a positive meaning to quite a few women, otherwise, there wouldn't be a Leather Spinsters Site, newsletter, or ezine.

Fear Cheats Us

by Regena English

Some people would call Janiece a very smart woman, but, few would say she's living to her full potential, not even Janiece. Born in a very wealthy family in Dallas she learned early "the value of money". Through example she learned to pennypinch and economize "until it hurt" from parents and grandparents.

Now as a 50 year old self-made businesswoman having earned millions on her own she's still following the notion "cling to your money or else it'll leave you". What she failed to realize was pennypinching represented fear of lack. All of those desires regardless to their simplicity or granduer she holds dearly will never be realized due to her fear of losing her money.

Something else should be mentioned about persons who refuse to spend money. They tend to have guilt for having money. A wealthy person feeling guilty for having money? Yes, most people from poor beginnings can attest to hearing as children, "save your money for a rainy day", "money don't grow on trees", "hang on to your money or it'll flee", and "a penny saved is a penny earned". All of those saying are screaming "lack" and giving justification to "money clinging". Fear=Lack, Lack=Fear. Result: Unrealized Potential

Just as poor people heard those sayings it's quite possible many wealthy persons with earnest beginnings were told the same. So when they acquired their wealth they did so feeling as if they didn't deserve it because others didn't have the same.

I know so far the topic has been on pennypinchers but it also applies to jobs and relationships. How often have you worked in a position inwhich you were overqualified out of fear of seeking employment that better suited you? I know of a young woman who held a position for ten years inwhich she disliked and were overqualified. Why?

She was fearful she wouldn't be able to find a position that best suited her ability and education. Fear of starting anew in another company played a keyrole in keeping her in a job she hated, cheating her of the quality life she desired. Fear=Stagnation, Stagnation=Unhappiness Result: Unrealized Potential

What about the married woman who wore a black eye every weekend thanks to her abusing husband but yet endured this for thirty years. Why did she do it? Fear. Fear that a dirvorce would throw her life into irreparable chaos. Fear of what he would do to her, and most of all fear of what her future held for her. Unknown=Fear, Fear=Misery Result: Unrealized Potential

The bottomline is, life is not worth living if you can't live fully realizing your dreams. Fear leads to partial existence, never knowing for yourself how sweet life could be.

Fear don't have to cheat you of the life you desire to live. If you feel fear when thoughts of doing something different surface see it for what it is, fear of change then follow your desire. Just think how much more exciting and fulfilling life would be if you were able to sort out unfounded fears instead of giving into them.

ALWAYS REMEMBER 99.9% OF PERCEIVED FEAR IS NOT REALITY BASED.

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Spinster Letters

Regena, I couldn't agree more, the ebook is awesome thank you for sharing it with us. 30, Doreen

It is well written and understandable just as you said it would be. Watch the Universe rain blessings on me.Tori

Regina,
Honey it sounds like a good thing to do but I was burned being the ladder for some woman. I try not to harbour ill will toward the young woman but it is difficult. When she first started in the company I welcomed her and took her under my wings. Big mistake!

Before you help someone up the ladder make sure they are the right people to receive your help. Don't make the painful mistake I made trying to pull every woman up the career ladder with me. Everybody do not appreciate helpfullness. Elise

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