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by (c) 1999-2001 Dr. Sharon House, Master Certified Coach
Recently, Dr. Phil McGraw, the author of "Life Strategies" sat down
with four women on Oprah to talk about why they haven't been able to
take their excess weight off. It was music to my ears… here, finally,
was someone talking about what I have said for years… to manage your
life, eliminate your payoffs and you'll manage your weight.
Exactly the same thing applies when it comes to managing negative
habits. So often I hear folks talk about wanting to eliminate habits
but complaining that they can't get themselves to follow through. They
feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and angry with themselves for their
'lack of willpower' to stick to the agreements they have made with
themselves. What they don't realize is that it has nothing at all to
do with willpower! It's not even the behavior change that frightens
them as much as the thought of what it might entail, along the way, to
get what they want!
We are not random creatures. Everything we do, we do for a reason.
Everything we do has a payoff of some sort that at some level serves
us. We may not consciously be aware of what the payoff is, but "it" is
there waiting to be discovered and uncovered. It will be discovered
only if we are willing to shine the light inwardly and admit the
unvarnished truth - "I am a procrastinator (or _____________fill in
the blank with your negative habit) and will remain a procrastinator
(or_________________fill in the blank) as long as there is a payoff
for me in doing so!"
The truth is most people work much harder at hanging on to what they
currently have than moving towards taking the (often) courageous
actions and risks that may be necessary to start working hard at
finding solutions and creating strategies to get them what they say
they truly want.
Think of something you procrastinated about at some time in your life.
What finally happened to change your mind and propel you into action?
Did you suddenly feel the pain and pressure to "just do it" and get on
with your life? Did the thought of the consequences of not taking
action become more painful than the thought of continuing to put up
with the negative energy drain it was creating in your life?
Anything you want that holds value for you will require that you make
a choice between holding on to old negative payoffs or moving towards
creating positive new payoffs. Negative payoffs such as feeble
excuses, unconvincing rationalizations, flimsy reasons, past painful
experiences, negatives attitudes and "fully automated" behaviors (such
as nail biting) must be traded for positive payoffs in the form of
solutions and strategies that pull you towards creating the long term
results you want most. The bottom line is: You've got to lose those
old payoffs to gain new, life enhancing ones to get to where you want
to be. As Emerson once said, "There is no loss without gain, and no
gain without loss."
Creating awareness around the payoff for the behavior is the first
step towards resolution. The second step is examining the specific
behavior in detail to help foster understanding. With understanding,
you can then proceed to the third step of designing and implementing a
strategy for change.
One of the key ingredients to long term habit change is learning to
live your life in the present, responding to things that are real and
not hanging on to your fears of what was (the past) or what might be
(the future). When it comes to habit change and management, it is
essential that you live in the present and take it one day, even one
little success, at a time.
Carpe diem! Seize the day, my friends! And remember, the only thing
that ever sits its way to ultimate success is a hen and it's time to
get moving to the next step: Request the article "The 3 Keys to
Changing Negative Habits", a step by step process for examining your
negative behavior and coming up with workable solutions by sending a
blank e-mail to: The 3 Keys to Changing Negative Habits Internationally known as "the House Doctor with your "Prescriptions for Success", Dr. Sharon House is a creative, intuitive, and solution oriented master certified personal and business coach. Visit her at her two websites, http://www.InstaCoach.com or http://www. HouseCoach.com. While your there, visit the InstaCoach Village Post Office and subscribe to her two online newsletters, Success Express and Focus Words to Live By.
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