Leather Spinsters Newsletter May 2004 Edition

Leather Spinsters Newsletter May 2004 Edition

Inside this Newsletter

1. Articles

    A. "Baby Phase"
    B. Trust The Power of Your Intuition
2. Letter
3. For Your Information

Shirts that say you are happy being YOU!

"The number one is the loneliest number if
we believe it to be." Regena English


"Baby Phase"

Two weeks ago Nancy one of the first elderly spinsters I had ever interviewed passed away at 85. Those of you who read Leather Spinsters and Their Degrees of Asexuality will remember her by this quote:

    "I still consider myself full of sex appeal and desirable to others. I take very good care of myself, I exercise, stay active in my church and politics. I believe that a woman regardless of her age should find time to pamper herself. It has nothing to do with being sexually available to anyone. She should take pride in herself. Physical sex does not take place in my life, but, that does not prevent me from feeling good about myself sexually and showing my pride."

After reading the email notifying me of Nancy's death I read another from a fellow reader. At 42 she's wrestling with the neverending torment (same for many women) of "should I have a baby before I'm too old?". Although I would like to say I've never experienced asking myself that question the truth is I have. Due to my having had the "baby phase" experience as Nancy put it, I'm highly sympathetic with this reader. Still contemplating the legacy of Nancy I thought I would pay tribute to her by sharing apart of her interview with the group.

Looking over information that never made it to the ebook I found comments she made to me in regards to her passing up motherhood.

    Nancy Accepting life without a husband and children was a choice I made. In my forties I still didn't want a husband but I did grieve for not wanting, I mean really not wanting children of my own.
    Regena I'm not sure I understand your grieving, why did you grieve if you didn't want them?
    Nancy I grieved because I knew in my heart motherhood wasn't my calling and like most women I grew up thinking motherhood was something I should want as a girl. Combined with those changing levels of hormones I was feeling a bit tortured for not wanting children. I had older siblings so children have always been apart of my life, they just weren't mine. I'm a great aunt to ten and a great great aunt to four. .
    Regena Are you saying you weren't faced with internal questioning as to whether or not you were making the right decision by not choosing to be a mom?
    Nancy Yes of course I did but I knew what I was feeling was a biological urge, the same one that kept mankind from perishing aeons ago. I would wonder about a woman if she said she never felt those procreation urges.
    Regena Do you suggest single women ignore those urges to have a baby?
    Nancy Oh heaven's no, there are women who have a calling to be mothers whether they are married or not. Yeah I know people from my generation believed you can't have the milk without buying the cow, women today aren't under that kind of pressure like in my day. Back then women had to have a husband then their babies and in that order. A woman can be a mother and not a wife today....well that's another subject but women should do what's best for themselves acknowledging we're all different and have different talents and needs.
    Regena What do you suggest women do when faced with the question of whether to have a baby while choosing to remain unwedded?
    Nancy Address it. I can't tell anyone what to do in this situation but I do suggest women, single or otherwise, stop being afraid of wanting. Some women are afraid of wanting children and others are afraid of not wanting them, both women are trying to operate according to what they think society is expecting them to do. Right there is why women suffer, they suffer because they try so hard to be what the world think they should be, yes even spinsters. It's imperative women know themselves, know what they truly want from life and not be afraid of having what they want. Regena if you said you were going through your "baby phase" I would tell you not to romanticize motherhood, another trap I see women fall into is making motherhood something from the fairytales, it's not. I would say to you to think about it as a twenty year obligation to another person, there's no sending this person back or exchanging them when times get tough. When you look at parenthood do so under a microscope. See the realistic pros and cons and be honest with yourself, don't lie about your level of patience and your teaching ability. As a parent you must give your children a foundation of values and morals, nurture them emotionally and physically,you must do these things not the schools. You know what else, as a parent you must be willing to live as an example. Wishy washy people who live one way and try to impress upon their kids to live another are hypocrits and don't make good parents. One must live according to how they want their children to live. After weighing the pros and cons and you still think you'd make a good parent then by all means become one. Do you know what gets my goose? The thinking not having children is based in selfishness. I can say unapologetically when it came to my bypassing being someone's mommy, it was done just as much for the love of these possible children as it were for me. It had nothing to do with being selfish or not being able to love, it was total honesty with myself about my capacity as a mothering individual. I didn't lie to myself I knew I didn't have what it took to be a good mother period!.

The reason I shared the above comments from Nancy was because it was sound advice to help women deal with the "baby phase". Comments on this article are welcomed!


Copyright (c) Regena English



***Editor's Note***
It's springtime, a time for new beginnings so always remember it is ok to change your opinions and travel another path. Life is not about opportunities and choices being written in stone.

Trust The Power of Your Intuition

"Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness." - Shakti Gawain

You have an important decision to make...your intuition is telling you one thing and your mind is advising another direction. You may have read about intuition or, heard people talk about the importance of following it, but still you hedge at taking the leap. What's missing can be summed up in one word: TRUST.

What stops you from trusting your intuition?

    - The Logical Mind - It's not uncommon for logic to say "If it can't be proven, seen, felt or heard, it's hogwash. Give me facts, give me proof."

    - Social conditioning - Most of us aren't raised in environments where our caretakers say, "Use that intuition! Really listen to it."

    - Doubt - Until we become attuned to the voice of our own intuition, we may harbor doubt. People often say to me, "I'm not sure if it's my intuition or something else."

    - Inner critic/self-sabotage - Whenever you hear your inner wisdom, the inner critic is bound to pop up and offer its sabotaging opinion.

    - You don't like what your intuition tells you - Sometimes our intuition rings clear as a bell, and we don't like what it says. For example: "You need to leave this job NOW." Unless you have another job lined up or money in the bank, most of us would feel fear upon hearing that statement.

You might be thinking "I know I need to trust my intuition. But how do I do that?" Try out the steps below, in the order that intuitively feels right to you.

T - Talk to your intuition. Ask your intuition a question. Get in touch with it.

R - Rest your mind. Your mind can get in the way of hearing an intuitive insight. Give your self the space to clear your mind and listen to your inner messages. Spend time in nature, meditate, do yoga or something with a rhythm to it, like taking a shower, going for a walk, or listening to peaceful music.

U - Un-know. Let go of the need to know. You may understand your intuitive message, or it may ask you to leap into the unknown. It's not important to understand the "why" or the result you'll gain by taking action on your intuition.

S - Suspend judgment. Intuition isn't good or bad. It's purely a message from your own inner wisdom.

T - Take action. Until you take action on the messages you receive, your intuition can't work its magic in your life.

Using your intuition will lead you in new directions and open a door that you might not have otherwise opened. Trusting your intuition is the key that unlocks the door, and acting on it allows you to walk through the doorway to a new opportunity. Trust your intuition and watch its power unfold.

Copyright: Claudette Rowley All rights reserved.

Claudette Rowley, coach and author, helps professionals identify and pursue their true purpose and calling in life. Contact her today for a complimentary consultation at 781-676-5633 or: claudette@metavoice.com Sign up for her free newsletter "Insights for the Savvy" at at http://www.metavoice.org


I would like your advice in dealing with the nagging question of having a baby before my clock strikes midnight at the age of 42.I am miserable and I am seeking relief what do you or the other readers suggest?unsigned in Dallas


No profits are gained nor claims are made by publishing this potentially helpful information.

I am very impressed with your organization, and I was hoping you might be able to help me with a project I am working on. My name is Jessica Donn, and I am a doctoral student in Psychology at Miami University in Ohio. I am doing my dissertation on the lives of never-married singles age 35-45, looking at what contributes to subjective well-being for singles.

I am conducting my study online, which means that people who participate would fill out a survey on the internet. The survey takes about an hour, and participants who complete the survey have the option to register for a $100 lottery. I was hoping there might be a way you could help me distribute a call for people to participate in my study, either by sending out an email (I have a standard email invitation to send) or by including my call for participants in your newsletter.

The study is at the web site: www.singlesstudy.com if you want to find more information or refer people to it.

Thank you for your attention, and please let me know if I can answer any questions, or if you can help in any way. Thanks so much.

Jessica Donn, MA
Miami University
Oxford, OH

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