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Written by Mary Anne Thomas
Resentment is a feeling we're not supposed to have. "Resentment is the cause of broken relationships and health problems," one psychology book says. Yet, when people hurt us, isn't it natural to resent the hurt? It is, and the definition of resentment proves it. "To resent is to feel indignantly aggrieved at an act, a situation, or a person." The French root of the word is "to feel strongly." According to these definitions, resentment doesn't look so bad. In fact, it looks like a desire- booster. It causes a strong reaction to something that we feel compelled to address.
So, why does our world believe resentment is so harmful? Because resentment is not being used as a desire-booster by most people. It's a feeling that is frowned upon . . . stigmatized as being the cause of all our problems . . . and therefore left to smolder on its own.
With this issue of Mindzine, you're going to learn how to use resentment the way it was intended to be used . . . as a desire-booster . . . and you'll see how easy resentment is to work with. First, let's make a list of the experiences that usually cause resentment.
Being put-down
It's hard to realize how poorly we've been treated, isn't it? If you've had a few experiences like the ones on our list, you'll want to expand this exercise by writing about them in your personal journal. Writing about hurt makes hurt easier to handle. If you've had more than a few hurtful experiences, email me (Thomasmind@aol.com). Now, we're ready to use resentment as a desire-booster. First, draw a contrast between the way you were treated in the past and the way you'd like to be treated in the future. To do that, just make a list of words that describe the characteristics you encountered -- the ones that hurt you -- and then look up the opposites of those words. For example, I was once very badly hurt by someone I was fond of. Something about me annoyed her, but I never truly knew what it was. I asked, several times, but only got incomplete or hazy answers that didn't make sense to me. I often felt confused and insecure, and after a misunderstanding I was rejected without being given a satisfactory explanation about what had gone wrong. I felt so rejected, so unacceptable. I wrote about the experience in my personal journal and was honest enough to make a list of the characteristics I felt I had encountered. I wrote about deception, hypocrisy, confusion, secrecy, unfairness, and unpleasantness. When I looked at my list, I felt indignant . . . and resentful. Next, I looked up each hurtful experience in my synonym dictionary and found opposites to each one. Here's what I came up with:
Forthright My list became a blueprint for the qualities I wanted my relationships to have, and every one of my relationships has now fallen into line with my blueprint. How did I do it? With the Dictionary Game that we're going to play right now. The Dictionary Game* enables you focus long enough on your wishes . . . so that they can manifest. With enough focus, the feelings behind your wishes become activated . . . or animated. When your feelings are animated, they are able to attract other feelings just like them . . . until they form a mass. When a mass is formed . . . it becomes visible in our physical world. That's the goal of all mind-body-spirit work . . . to make your feelings, your wishes, and your desires visible . . . and the Dictionary Game allows you to accomplish it. To play the Dictionary Game right now, just read along with me: Forthright: free from ambiguity or evasiveness; going straight to the point; without hesitation; at once; frankly Honest: free from fraud or deception; truthful; genuine; real; marked by free, forthright, and sincere expression Open: completely free from concealment; exposed to general view or knowledge; having clarity and resonance unimpaired by undue tension or constriction of the throat; willing to hear and consider or to accept and deal with; free from reserve or pretense Straightforward: clear-cut; precise; candid; direct Candid: free from bias, prejudice, or malice; indicating or suggesting sincere honesty and absence of deception Pleasant: having qualities that tend to give pleasure; agreeable Genuine: actually having the reputed or apparent qualities or character; sincerely and honestly felt or experienced; free from hypocrisy or pretense Sincere: free from adulteration; pure Heartfelt: deeply and strongly felt Do you feel relieved? Uplifted? Safe? That's your Dictionary Game at work, turning resentment into a desire-booster that will bring wonderful, new relationship experiences your way. It's a new answer for old hurts.
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