Leather Spinsters Newsletter November 2001 Edition

Leather Spinsters Newsletter November 2001 Edition

Inside this Newsletter


    Single Equals Insecurity?

Spinster Letters


Single Equals Insecurity

Something happened on September 11th that shocked the faith of many unwedded women, their sense of security and assuredness of the paths they chose to follow. No longer did they envision a life of peace and joy, instead all they could fathom was one of danger, caution, and self-doubt.

I was took by surprise when I started receiving emails questioning the sanctity of life without spouses from women who had been secure with their lives alone just days earlier. What had changed? According to the emails they realized if they were to die they would do so alone and that was something they feared. When people are in fear there's very little that can be said to ease their tension due to fear being a preceived fact, a fact only known to the mind of whomever is feeling this powerful emotion.

In my own mind and heart the horrific events made me more defiant with having and keeping peace in my life but I kept my defiance to myself. Instead of shooting from the hip with a commonsense approach to the women's fears I continued my search for a gentler manner inwhich to comfort these women. I found none.

The truth is September 11th was like any other day on this planet with the exception it took place on American soil and not in Israel, Palestine, Eygpt, Ireland, and so on. Rather than lose faith or give in to the fear, we must follow the examples of the women in those countries familiar with terrorists, and push on. Regardless to our marital status now is the time to find the courage to cling to our faith. No spouses, children, parents, siblings, or friends can eliminate or shield any of us from the reality of terrorism so we must deal with our fears directly.

Going back to the original premise of the emails, somehow these women felt if they had husbands they would be safer. I think many people can relate to their desperation in finding some safety in this world. Unfortunately, being single is not the problem in this instance but insecure feelings regarding death is. Just like everyone else single women have to come to terms with death, and like so many others, single women also have issues with this mysterious transition. September 11th made all of us take notice of our fear of death (yes we were shocked by the horrible acts of violence but more importantly), we realized we had no foreknowledge of the whens and wheres of our or our loved ones departure from this realm and that in itself terrorized quite a few of us.

Marriage may be in the picture for these women and if it is I pray it's marriage for the right reasons and not from insecurity. What if it's not in the picture what then? Either way these women will have to deal with their fears of aloneness which death symbolizes to so many and face it with courage. These are not tough words coming from a insensitive person but from someone who can understand how easy it is to be overwhelmed and feel insecure when faced with the unknown. It's natural for people in time of tragedy to re-examine their lives, comparing them to the BIG PICTURE, are they really happy, whether or not they are making a difference in the lives of loved ones, their community, or this world. Some have likened this moment to conversations with God, so don't permit self-doubts of the paths and choices you're currently making or have made to waste this precious time in your life.

It has been my prayer since September that people not lose faith in the Creator, in themselves, and each other; that we all start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and not the endless darkness from terror mongers. Remember my dear friends in this season of THANKFULNESS, fear could serve us well in preventing loss, but, when fear is a consuming thought it takes from life all that makes it worth living, like joyfulness. It appears lately that joy has been the basis of majority of articles in the newsletter, why? We're given so many reasons daily as to why we should be suspicious, fearful, and doubtful of ourselves and the world around us that it does more harm to us as individuals than help by stealing the true meaning of life. Life has no meaning if there's no joyfulness and there can be no joyfulness if we're in constant fear, suspicions, or worry.Regena English,editor


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Leather Spinster Newsletter,
I don't know what to do after seeing the World Trade Center crumble to the ground in flames. As I watched from my window in horror I had to think about my future. I can't stop crying. I've been thinking about my life and being single and how terrible it is to die this way. I don't want to be without a husband in these uncertain times. I know this will sound shocking but I will start looking for a husband again. I don't want to die alone. I've been fooling myself into thinking it's cool and I'm happy being unmarried but September 11 changed that. I was happy before but now I'm rethinking life to include a man.Jules

Help me I can't get the images of WTC out of my mind. Two years ago I worked for a firm in the third building. I quit the job to move to Atlanta to pursue my interests. I'm not sure now I want a singles life anymore. Regina I don't know where to turn, other people will tell me to go get a husband but I don't know what to do. Is my feelings normal?unsigned

My employment requires me to be decisive, I'm a natural decision-maker so I thought. I'm usually very decisive but since last week I'm doubting everything I do. Lately I've been questioning my singleness and I don't really know why. Something happened to my sense of security when I saw the tragedy in New York, the destruction, all those lost lives, and the news of orphans. Am I living fully by being happy without a husband, would I broaden my horizons by including one? Marriage and children has never appealed to my sensibilities, others making demands on my time, but the thoughts of being alone in turbulent times scare the hell out of me. I think at this point I'm willing to make some concessions so I wont be alone. Scared in Kansas City, Liz


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I had the most interesting chat with a spinster elder a few days ago. I want to share with you some of what she told me during our brief chat. After living 80 years on this planet Margrietta feels she owes herself and the world something and that something is to be happy. Her philosophy on happiness is 1) don't worry about what you don't have, and 2) don't invite depression and sadness into your life. It's her belief the reason so many of us is so dissatisfied with life is because we're looking at what others have and think at this moment we're to have it too. Having this attitude will only serve to create frustration which leads to unhappiness. There are no frustrated happy people because happy people keep their minds preoccupied with positive thoughts.

When asked about the stresses single women face for being single in a marriage oriented society Miss Margrietta smiled and said, the only stresses they face are the ones they permit someone else to leave with them. "I lived during a time when women didn't support each other in staying unmarried, and they sure didn't find the idea of living like that forever something to cheer about but I manage to. "

She believes the number one cause of stress for young women is due to wasting too much time fretting over relationships leaving little time to really enjoy the freedoms of being single. According to this wonderful example of womanhood, women can't seem to see all the adventures life sends their way because they are so busy trying to catch a man, live up to someone else's expectations, or bickering over what they don't have instead of having fun.

"Make up your minds you will permit joy to come into your life even if it means looking and acting nonchalant about what is happening around you. Stress and frustration can't come into your life unless you welcome it by focusing on those negative feelings, so don't!"written by Regena English, interviewee Miss Margrietta DeLouis, 80


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