Leather Spinsters Newsletter October 2000 Edition

Leather Spinsters Newsletter October 2000 Edition

Inside this Newsletter

1. Articles

    A. Who Do You Blame, Life? (Suggestion One to Empowerment)
    B. Turn Your Habits Into "Have-Its" (Suggestion Two to Empowerment)
2. Spinster Letters
3. Note to Spinsters
4. Leather Spinsters on the Web Preview
5. Advertisements

Who Do You Blame, Life?

This past week there was a discussion on one of the lists I'm moderating concerning forgiveness. At what point do we forgive and move on when people have done harm, emotional or physical, to us? Now let me ask you another question, have you always been kind and loving to everyone? Think long and hard before answering that question. I know there are those who would exclaim, "no but I've never done anything as cruel or mean to anyone else like was done to me!" How do you know?

The fact is, we come into contact with people everyday, directly or indirectly, and we never know what will upset another person. So rest assured there are those who think you've done them wrong. This article will address two points. The first point is, we must forgive others if we want the same to be done for us. There are so many people who think the world is at fault for the misguided behaviors of others. They justify their deep-seated mistrust by pushing everybody away, lumping us all into a category of backstabbing monsters waiting to get over on them. Then they wonder why trouble and troublesome people seems to find them.

If you want a joyful existence and you want to leave behind an legacy of love then you must move on from the self-defeating attitude the world is against me. Hanging on to the mistrust of people is a indictment about you being like those you mistrust or worst yet, you feeling you deserve nothing but negativity from people. If for some reason you find you must officially release your embitterment, anger, or frustration then have a pity party. Spend one day griping about whatever it is that has been weighing heavily on your mind, but after that day harbor those feelings no more.

    "When I read you walked away from your marriage I had a flashback. Like you I walked away from my marriage, unlike you I had invested twenty years with my husband. Even after leaving the marriage I fumed over what took place within it. On the advice of some friends I gave myself a pity party. The entire day was spent with me airing my anger towards my ex, my friends listened, nodded, hmmmed, and tsk, tsked. Maybe my friends alterior motive was for me to finally stop complaining about my ex, at the very least to stop complaining to them about him. Well it worked and I recommend others do the same to get over some painful hurts." Janice

Now on to my second point. No one is responsible for your feelings. When we say someone hurt our feelings we're really saying we allowed that person power to influence our emotions. Why do these people hurt us? As humans we have an intense need to believe in something or someone, unfortunately when we put all our trust in people and things we're left with hurt feelings and disappointment. Why? Humans are imperfect. We deceive ourselves into thinking certain people will or will not do certain things and low and behold they do just what we thought they wouldn't.

I'm not telling you disappointment and physical harm will never visit you, I'm saying you don't have to spend a lifetime eternalizing those feelings associated with such experiences. The healthier approach would be to have your moment of pity then move on, don't exist permanently as a victim. To remain as a victim is to sacrifice those very things you want for yourself like joy, abundance, lasting friendships, and closer family relationships. Also remember, we don't have to give in to those feelings of hurt if we don't want to, our feelings are our responsibility. So I ask you, which is more important to you, freedom from energy and prosperity robbing hurts or lifelong embitterment?

The footsteps of those proud spinsters that have gone before and those that are soon to follow.


Turn Your Habits Into "Have-Its"
Although the author is addressing businesses her philosophy can apply to everyday living.

When you hear the word "habit", what kind of image comes to mind? Is it negative or positive? Chances are, if you are like most people, the image that comes to mind is negative. You see a picture of a person who indulges in various excessive behaviors. Bad habits are easy to spot. They can destroy bodies and businesses.

In networking, it is the not so obvious habits that can keep most from achieving success. Solomon said, "Catch us the foxes. The little foxes that spoil the vine." You see, "little foxes" destroy grape vines by chewing them off at the root. Indeed, it's the "little foxes" or seemingly small habits, that cut the "vine" of success off at the root. Procrastination, watching too much TV,taking too much "time off" are all habits that can derail your business before it ever gets off the ground.

There have been many books, talks and tapes on the subject of "The habits of highly successful people." In a nutshell, they all say the same thing, "Look at what successful people do consistently, develop those habits and success will come your way." In other words, if you spend more time developing good habits, the bad ones will give way. Accentuate the positive!

A habit is like a winter coat, It is something you either put on or take off, depending on the situation. Obviously, if it's 20 degrees outside, you need that coat, but if it's 80 you don't. A habit is the same way. If it's killing or stunting the growth of your business, you need to take it off. If it will make you successful, you need to put it on. So how do you change? It's actually very simple. Do an examintation and make the appropriate changes. Here are the steps to follow when turning habits into have-its.

1. Identify: Examine your life and determine what negative habits are holding you back. Is it procras- tination? Watching too much TV? Fear? Also look at what positive habits you must develop that will make you successful. Is it making more contacts? Using your products? Following the system? Negative habits have to go! Positive habits must be developed and strengthened.

2. List: On a piece of paper, make two columns and list all of your habits, negative and positive. Then priori- tize them according to which ones you feel your business would benefit most from developing or losing. This list should include any personal traits that you feel project a poor image.

3. Commit to change: Once you have identified the habits you need to change, begin the process. It is not a good thing to try to change everything at once, so look at your prioritized list and pick the one or few that you are going to work on first. You will find that there are things you should learn NOT to do and some you must learn TO do. Bear in mind, that depending on what "expert" you listen to, it takes from 21 to 30 days to develop or break a habit. Therefore, when you've identified the habit(s) you are going to work on, be prepared to make at least a 30 day commitment to your changed life pattern. Once the new habit is developed, it is no longer something you work on, but something that just happens, every day.

3. Reward: Once your habit of success has been developed, you will begin to see the reward for your hard work. Enjoy it, but don't get lazy and complacent.

4. New Action (Continued growth): Go back through your list and identify the next most important habit(s) you must develop, and begin working on them. If you sit back and wallow in the reward stage, you'll never go any farther.

In summary, developing successful habits is a repeating process. You must constantly identify, commit to change and receive the reward. If you concentrate on changing all your habits to successful ones, then you will change your life pattern of habits into "have-its"!

** Cathy Fothergill, Copyright 1999. First published: You Plus Two February 1999. More articles and resources for writers, webmasters and home business owners can be found at: http://www.connectionteam.com Need edification, information and motivation for yourself and your team? Subscribe to: You Plus Two! YouPlusTwo-subscribe@topica.com

Spinster Letters

Why do people say a woman is trading off the best years of her life by not marrying and having children? I've seen women give their ALL to their spouses and children just to be treated as refuse in their hours of need.

What's so great about being treated this way? Nothing! I can't stand to hear my patients crying when their spouses and children fail to visit them in the hospital, it's especially difficult seeing our older patients shedding tears. I sometimes wonder what's going through their minds when they have to face difficult health conditions and treatments alone.

It's one thing to be a spinster and know you don't have someone, it's quite another situation when you have a husband, children, and sometimes grandchildren who don't value you enough to support you in your health crisis. I know you heard this before from others but my thinking is hardly anti-marriage or children.

Here again, you've read this before but it bears repeating, being a wife and mother is not the answer for every woman. It's definitely not the answer for me. Having had two marriages under my belt by the time I was 25 I can tell you life is sweeter for me alone. Facing my own health crisis I was better off without my marital frustrations looming over me twenty-four hours a day. My exes were not the most considerate or compassionate of people but yet my feelings would have been hurt if I became hospitalized while married to them and they didn't visit me. Nana 49

I don't see it as I'm losing anything by remaining single, I have a family, actually I have a very large one composed of immediate family and very close friends, what more do I need? If I'm happy without the addition of a husband why should I spend my life whining about not having one. Kathrine, my little sister have a good time everywhere she goes then she regrets having those events because she didn't have them with a husband. Isn't life about feeling good and enjoying what we can of life?

Subsconsciously she's saying she would give up a happy life just to have a husband. I'm not willing to give up my current life for anyone and it's the difference between she and I. A wise woman would accept the good she feels as evidence of life and a foolish one would be ignorant to what life really is, a smorgesbord of experiences.Tempest

I don't know how to rate Leather Spinsters and Their Degrees of Asexuality, I cried over some of the stories and became incensed with others. No offense but some of your younger subjects in the book caused hardship on themselves by being so dumb. My favorite part was reading what the elderly spinsters had to say about their lives and the costs they paid to be independent. For the first time I'm ok with the term spinster and can now refer to myself as one. Thank you from a 35 year old virgin woman! Becki

We gathered for a slumber party to read The Leather Spinsters book last Friday night. One of my friends bought an e-copy of the book and we took turns reading it aloud. Unlike my friend Becki I enjoyed the entire book. It left me thinking about my future from the standpoint of being happy but unattached. I can't shake the feeling life have alot in stored for me and other spinsters, it is a bit eerie. Have you kept in touch with those women you interviewed for the book? What has happened to Rachel the Jordanian woman and Erica the weirdo from Toronto? Tonya

I spoke with Rachel nearly five months ago and she was doing great. She has held firmly to her spinsterhood with her father's blessing. Now I'll be the first to admit Erica's no angel but I wouldn't go so far as to refer to her as a weirdo. The last time we spoke was the summer of 99 when she contacted me to let me know she was in town on business. She has changed considerably, continued celibacy, she sounded happy not hyper as in the 97 interview, and has dedicated herself to ministering to teenagers about abstinance. The last thing she told me was God was the center of her life. As Martha Stewart would say, "that's a good thing!", especially after reading her life story.Regena

Note to Spinsters

I would like to take this time to encourage you to join the steering committee for next year's conference to be held in Toronto. We have exactly one year to get things together and make this event the best it could possibly be. We want to attract leather spinsters from around the globe with this event and the only way we can is to plan early and wisely so our participants can make vacation and leave arrangements around the conference date. It doesn't matter if you've never worked within a steering committee before, the desire to make a difference with fellow unmarried women is enough.

Also I would like to extend a hearty welcome to all newcomers to this newsletter and I do hope that you feel you're surrounded by friends and share your life stories. This newsletter has been blessed in so many different ways, one of which is the good-natureness of the readers. Occasionally we get negative letters directed at letters, stories, and yes, me. They're all "good" for we can learn from them about ourselves and the world we live in. I said that to let you know your opinions are welcomed and appreciated so don't be shy voice about what you feel. Before I go I must encourage you to support events geared for women, especially single women. It's hard getting others to understand the importance of such events if the people it's aimed at will not support it, please take advantage of programs for you! Regena English

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