Leather Spinsters Newsletter October 99 Edition

Leather Spinsters Newsletter October 99 Edition


Inside this Newsletter

1. Article

    A. "Male Friends"
    B. I Can Scream But I Won't

2. Spinster Letter
3. Inspiration Corner
4. Hot Apple Drink
5. Advertisements

"Male Friends"

L eather Spinsters have a few code words that are sometimes misleading for those outside of the loop, one such expression is ďmale friendsĒ. The definition of a ďmale friendĒ is a man who have a discrete relationship with a leather spinster doesnít matter if itís sexual or platonic. Heís a person she can confide in, more often than not heís someone sheís known for many, many years. Last month I held a online discussion with some of the readers on the topic of "male friends". I asked them the following question:
What type of relationship do you have with your "male friends"?

Laura a physician assistant in Clear Lake: ďIím not a promiscuous woman but I do have moments, though not often, when I want sex and I have a special friend I can call when that feeling arise. My friendship with him goes deeper than the occasional sex, we hang around each other like to two dudes.I can talk to him about anything. He is like me and likes not being attached, come to think of it he donít like dating either.Ē

Paula a graduate student at University of Houston.ĒDennis and I have been buddies since I moved to Houston in 93.We hit it off immediately, if you saw one of us you saw the other thatís how close weíve been.Heís a computer programmer for an offshore company and it keeps him away three weeks at a time. When he comes home and Iím interested in sexual involvement I can call on him at any hour of the day or night. At least I know when morning comes heíll still be treating me with respect.Ē

Debbie a nurse at Methodist Hospital.ĒI love my freedom and Iím not willing to give it up for the marriage thing or a committed relationship for that matter.Yes I have a ďmale friendĒ and all I have to do is call him if I need anything and heíll be there, no weíre not sexual, but heís the best friend I couldíve ever wished for. I think sex would ruin our closeness so thatís not a option to be considered, Iím a bit old fashioned, no premarital sex especially with your best friend.Ē

Lisa a paralegal. ďI have a ďmale friendĒ and weíve had sex in the past at my urgings.Iím with Debbie, sex can make things sticky when itís with a close friend. I used him like he was just a phallus. He was my friend but yet I took advantage of him sexually with no regards to his feelings. I regret losing a wonderful friend. What made him so special was his understanding of what it was I as a leather spinster wanted most, which was my privacy and freedom from attachments.Realistcally speaking sex cheated the friendship because the focus in the relationship shift from the mind to the genitalia. Iíve come to the conclusion sex took away longevity of the friendship.Ē

Carol a paralegal. ďI donít have alot of female friends, men have always been there for me.They understood me when my gender couldnít. No sex, oh no sex, thatís the straw thatíll break the camelís back. I know a leather spinster who had a ďmale friendĒ at her beckon call for sex and it backfired on her. She felt bad when she learned she was his hoe. Sex is not an equal trade off for a close and compassionate friendship. I canít bear the thoughts of losing any of the closeness I share with my friend for sex.!Ē

To be sexual or not to be sexual is the question many leather spinsters are asking themselves. I think when you know yourself and the motivations behind your behaviors youíll be able to answer that question with bare honesty. Mixing sex with a very close male friend may be disastrous to the relationship and self esteem so be forewarned. The safest bet is to steer clear of sex if you really value the friendship. If you would like to be notified of upcoming online discussions please email leatherspinsters@mailcity.com with "notify me" in the subject area.

Rent Today;Romy and Michelle High School Reunion

The footsteps of those proud spinsters that have gone before and those that are soon to follow.

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I Can Scream But I Wonít


B
eing the only uncommitted woman at my place of employment makes for alot of extracurricular activities on the weekends. People take me for granted, oh sheís donít have a husband and kids to worry about so she can handle that responsibility.

Iím volunteered for everything under the sun and I canít seem to say no. Some schools lack parental participation with extracurricular activities so teachers are expected to step in, my school is one of them.

I canít remember a time in the past eight years I wasnít responsible for the Girl Scouts, cheerleading, and after school math tutoring. I donít mind assisting sometimes, but, to be stuck neck high with those added responsibilities along with my fulltime job of teaching math is HELL.

This is what happens when you lack a backbone, co-workers walk all over you. I admit I donít date but thatís my choice and itís in no way an indication Iím not busy. That poor Gretchen, the poor lonely aging Gretchen lets keep her so busy she canít see how lonely she really is.

When Iím not borged down with extracurricular activites Iím very busy with my many hobbies. I guess Iím one of the lucky ones because I donít remember ever having a day when I felt lonely or sorry for myself.

Every year while my friends are making their resolutions to lose weight Iím promising myself to start saying no to extracurricular activites. Iíve thought on many ocassions how I could just scream if another person volunteered me for more after school activities. No screaming Iíll just say no!

Iím proud of myself because I took the first step to being assertive. I told one of my meddling co-workers off when she suggested I oversee the formation of a drama club. I can tell you sheíll think twice before she suggest I take on another activity. To my co-workers stop suggesting what I need to be doing on my time off, DARN IT!!! 38,Gretchen 38,Gretchen

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Spinster Letters

I didnít know this newsletter existed until I read an article about it in The Houston Chronicle September 2nd. YIPPEE, a leather spinster newsletter who would've thought? I thought leather spinster was a term used in New York only. Imagine my surprise when I found the article on the leather spinster newsletter. Thank you Regena for discovering leather spinsterhood for yourself thus creating this forum for us to share. 41,Bebee Neumann

Hi ya doing Regena? I once lived in Toronto and you interviewed a neighbour of mine for your book a couple of years ago. Boy, what an serendipitous moment when I read Barbara Karabiís article in the Chronicle. I remembered you when the title of your book were mentioned.

I usually donít go on the internet unless itís job related but the day I read your article I went straight to the Leather Spinsters' website and read every past issue of the newsletter and ezine. Keep up the good work and Iíll be looking forward to future issues. 36,Betty


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Inspiration Corner

My mother and I had a strained relationship from as far back as I could remember. Nothing I did was good enough for her, at least in outward appearances. For years my mother faulted me for not marrying this guy I dated for several years after high school. Every chance she had she would warn me about being an old maid for not choosing to marry him. My mother was fifteen years old when she had me so she missed out on alot of things I took for granted like proms,college, and general freedoms. Her mother never forgave her for getting pregnant as a teenager so they had a strained relationship, too. My mother passed away three years ago at the age of 45. No warnings she just slipped away in her sleep one night. The day before her death we had the best time driving through Vermont visiting the various shops. It was that day she apologized for treating me so harshly over the years. She opened up to me sharing her feelings on the tough decisions she had made with her life. I saw a softness in her I had never seen before that day. She told me how glad she were I didnít submit to her pressures to marry someone I didnít love. The next morning when my grandmother called saying Momma was found dead I nearly fainted. I couldnít believe she had left me after finally opening up her heart to me. I didnít get to know her as much as I wouldíve liked but itís a consolation to me that she shared her feelings on the life path I chose, so for that Iím extremely thankful. I guess thereís no real significance to my letter for others but I had to share it. 33,Tonie

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