Leather Spinsters Newsletter September 2005 Edition

Leather Spinsters Newsletter

Inside this Newsletter

1. Articles

    A. Money Doesn't Finance Dreams

3. For Your Information

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Everyone seek the key to happiness outwardly
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Money Doesn't Finance Dreams

Are you putting off your dreams until you have money? Well, each day that you put off your dreams, you lose a little bit of time for that dream.

Have you made choices that although made everyone else happy, left you feeling empty and incomplete? Maybe you used your lack of money as an excuse, so that you wouldn't feel bad about not pursuing your dreams. But the truth is money is never a hindrance. It is used as a crutch because it is much easier to say money is the problem, than to admit that you are the only obstacle standing in the way of your dreams.

The beauty of dreams is that they are free. When you hold off on your dreams, it costs so much more. You live wondering what if you had made those choices, how would your life be if you had achieved those goals? Right now, think of the one dream that you are holding on to for dear life; what is your #1 excuse for not doing it?

If you want to go back to school, you can look for scholarships and financial aid. You can even take distant learning courses, so you don't even have to leave home. If you want to start a business, there are many free resources online that show you how you can start with no money involved. If you want to pursue a hobby full-time, you can research to find others that are doing the same thing and ask them for help.

Money is not the real obstacle or the driving force to your dreams. The excuses you make just covers up what lies deep within, which is fear and doubt. You anticipate failure or challenges, so you don't bother pursuing your dreams. You let go of your dreams and give up.

You can not feel fulfilled in life unless you are living a self- actualized life. Living your dreams makes your life authentic. Stop using money as a reason for you not to be where you were meant to be in your life. Why settle for small accomplishments, when you can live a life of greatness? You can do a lot of things with money, but you can't buy your dreams. Take one step today towards your dreams; don't worry it won't cost you a thing.

Marie Magdala Roker is a Personal Development Coach an Author of Successful Thinking for a Successful Life: How to Banish the Unhealthy Thoughts and Habits That Limit Your Success. You can find out her ebook and coaching program at http://www.thinkandbesuccessful.com or sign up for her free newsletter Be Inspired at http://www.smartbeecoaching.com


Marie Magdala Roker(c). All rights reserved.




I am a woman of fifty-eight who just lives in tshirts. Not long ago I was approached by two young lesbians that questioned my leather spinster tshirt. First they asked me why I would wear a shirt that didn't unite women, then they made a statement it seems women are banning together except leather spinsters.

Confused I said, have I missed something? They preceeded to tell me how women who identify as leather spinsters make a point to describe themselves by what they're not, which is gay, as if there was something wrong with being gay.

Regina I don't have a problem with gay women I don't see why they have a problem with leather spinsters. Can you shed some light on this?


Greetings Beabee,

Reading your email was deja vu. I remember back in the late 90s a day didn't go by without me receiving an email accusing me of the same thing. Beabee we are as we are, better yet, as we define ourselves. If people don't like how you define yourself, there's nothing you can do about it, it's their problem.

The reason leather spinsters define themselves as happily unmarried women who are not gay is because people have always assumed they were. This was a means of spearheading the obvious next question of, is she gay.

It's so easy to get into the habit of apologizing for our differences of outlooks, (rhetorically speaking) at what point do we stop? As for leather spinsters separating themselves from other women, differences of philosophy are usually the cause of separation but does it mean it's "us versus them"? No. Also keep in mind those women represented themselves and not all lesbians just as my opinions represent me and not all leather spinsters.

I think we all can share this world, happily might I add, without bringing each other down. The fact is, there are those who find something wrong with lifestyles that don't reflect their beliefs and are threatened by those differences. You can chalk your experience up to people not understanding leather spinsterhood.

Regena English

Ms. English,

What's your take on all these articles on asexuals? Recently there's been quite a bit of coverage of asexuals and for some in the leather spinster community, both straight and asexual, feel this is a wonderful thing. It just don't feel right to me.

Everytime people demand others to understand them something goes amiss. You can't demand somebody to understand your lifestyle or sexual identity that's personal. Most asexuals only desire is to know another asexual, it's that "I want to feel normal" thing so many take for granted in this society. There are so many websites up now on the subject of asexuality there's no reason as why an asexual can't find other asexuals. I believe asexuals are taking the same road homosexuals took, the in your face route which will not work for us.

Have you read any of those articles on asexuality? They initially start out like they're objective but towards the end the persons interviewed are summed up as confused and should be seeking therapy.

Roxy (Texas A&M Univ.)

Hello Roxy,

Political correctness aside. I've read two articles and yes they left me with the impression the writer was suggesting the interviewed subjects needed counseling. Hey, I learned years ago when I was on a radio show in Los Angeles, it's hard for many sexually charged people to understand asexuality.

Usually when people make "light" of asexuality under the guise of being objective it is because it's forcing them outside of their comfort zone (accepted sexual norm). That's ok, they don't have to understand or live with the asexual experience. There should be no love lost for them.

I agree, no one can demand others accept them, that's not how it usually work. You bet something goes amiss, people resist the message if forced fed it. Humans are naturally short sighted, meaning they can only understand what's constant in their lives. If asexuality isn't present in their experiences they could care less about it.

What's important is asexuals (people in general) learn to look within to find their solace. In doing so they will find themeselves and stop seeking unconditional acceptance from the outer world. Again I agree, most asexuals only want to know other asexuals period. As you pointed out there are other means of reaching other asexuals if that's the true motivation. Feeling normal is a personal attitude as you stated.

Here's something to think about, if people (in this case asexuals) could accept themselves unconditionally they would attract into their existence others who would also accept them accordingly. A good example would be your fellow leather spinsters (happily unmarried straight and asexual women), a segment of society the masses don't even know exist, but yet here we are and thriving. As people we must,MUST remember we are the CREATORS of our lives and create on purpose.

For Your Information

For those of you who have yet to take a vacation this year Italy may be waiting for you.Below are some pointers in making a trip to this country alone very enjoyable.

Want to travel to Italy but nobody you know wants to go?

Have specific dates for your holidays but none of your friends have the same options?

Does your spouse want to stay home this time?

You're not alone --- you're part of the fast growing single traveller market. As a frequent single traveller in Italy and elsewhere, here are my tips on companionship, safety, money matters, and quality of life for travelling solo in Italy and beyond.


1. Look for restaurants or hotels with communal tables. It's easy to start a conversation over a meal. Choose restaurants with tables close together so it's easy to strike up a conversation.

2. Break up your time alone with half or full day tours with a specific focus so you have fun with people of similar interests. Ask your travel agent or local tourist office for city walking tours, day wine tours or other short trips.

3. Find tours that cater to single travellers. We send many singles to two companies who accept a solo traveler, one family, is in Chianti and one in Sorrento. They give cooking lessons in their homes; there are always people around for company. A family member takes the single traveller on the same excursions as a group.

4. And if you want a congenial travel companion for your trip? Look to sites like http://www.travelchums.com to set up your profile & find a travel companion among their members.

Safety For Solo Women

5. No matter what hour of the day, if a street is deserted you may not want to walk there. In general, stick to streets where other people are walking. Walking along the Arno River in Florence at 10:00 p.m. is wonderful. Walking down a deserted little street in mid-afternoon may not be wise.

6. Dress in ordinary clothes, leave jewellery at home. Take a handbag with a shoulder strap you can put diagonally across your chest. Walk with a strong, confident bearing; don't look like a victim stay alert. All the above apply in any big city. In small country towns relax a bit, little happens there.

7. What about men chatting you up? Just like at home, stick to public places until you're comfortable. If you're not interested, politely say "no thanks" as many times as it takes.

Money Matters

8. Find tours that have no single supplement. We have a few cooking tours in Italy without the supplement. Ask us! Other tour companies in Italy, some walking tours, match you up with a roommate. Hikers are a nice bunch in general. Be open to new people, & make friends!

9. When looking for a hotel, email the hotel directly about a single room and don't book online. Any other special requests you have such as a request for a quiet room not over looking the street can be made at that time.

Quality of Life

10. To give yourself enjoyable meal experiences, go to restaurants on the early side (12:30 for lunch, 7:30 for dinner, 7:00 in big tourist cities) and get the best seat. Then no one minds if you occupy a table for two with a front row view of the sea or the parade of life in the piazza.

11. Accept help and reach out to other travellers. If someone offers to help you carry your suitcase up the stairs in a train station, say yes, thank them and give them a big smile.

Have a happy time travelling solo in Italy or beyond!

Margaret Cowan is Mama Margaret. She owns "Mama Margaret & Friends Cooking, Wine & Walking Adventures in Italy." If you like to immerse yourself in the local culture, learn to cook local dishes and meet unique characters when you travel, you will appreciate Margaret's "Insider Travel Tips" at: http://www.italycookingtours.com

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$22.99 Nothing is more Beautiful Sweatshirt$14.99 I Don't Worry Tote$16.99 Happy, Single, Female Yellow T-Shirt


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