Black,Female,and SingleT
here's another movement in the black community and no it's not about race or poverty, it's about something very basic, marital status. In this time of deadbeat dads, cuts in social programs (including education), black women are finding themselves occupied with learning to survive on their own without concern as to whether or not mister right is in their futures.
It's not about unresolved issues with men or fear of commitment that motivates so many young women to seek emotional and financial security within themselves. No it's the disillusionment of men's roles. Now men are the ones shopping for material and financial qualities of a stable mate. Other reasons for the resurgence of spinsterhood is the lack of patience for the Rules (the rules we're talking about are found in the book entitled The Rules), career demands, and for some the buying into the eligible male shortage myth. Let's start with the disillusionment with men. The mate expectation has changed shoes, men are now looking for women who have the house, car, and good paying job. Whereas, in the past it were the women guilty of such pickiness. Not perceived as bad at the time women were guilty of screening their mates, it's now seen as unacceptable
since men have adopted the practice.
"I used to date a few years ago but have since stopped. It came to a head when I noticed before a man would ask me out he had to know what I did for a living and what kind of car I drove. I thought women did that. It turned me off seriously!" Vanessa (31) accountant, Houston
"I can remember a man asking about my financial standing and job, and I have to say it did not set right with me!" Tonie (36) practical registered nurse, Phoenix
"When that book came out it was received with a applause,all it showed me was how soon we forget that stuff never worked. There's nothing new or mind altering about that book's contents so why all the fuss, it don't work anyway!" Bethany (41) secretary, Houston
Many black sisters see the Rules as a replaying of "old mind games" and offers no real intergender bonding, the type that produces strong and lasting commitments. It was those games that landed them in poor relationships to begin with, so rather than repeat past dating mistakes they've made peace with themselves finding they've evolved beyond the emotional toying.
"How can a woman expect men to respect her when she's playing childish games?" Theresa (29) restaurant manager, El Paso
"I can't stand it when a man strings me along, the last man that did that made me think that I deserved what I got from him, nothing but promises. I can't blame him really, because I messed with his mind so much in the beginning of the relationship." Kanesia (31) graduate student, Dallas
Black women are more likely to get higher education than their male counterparts. They are also most likely to hold white collar positions which leaves them with more money but less social time. Not unlike other women, they're finding bar scenes degrading and a waste of time. Instead they would most likely want to spend their social time more conservatively such as in contemplation or with family and friends.
"It's a fact, the older a woman becomes the less likely she'll be able to find a mate especially one her age". Kandy (42) emergency room nurse, Houston
"When I turned thirty I decided I wouldn't pursue men anymore. I'm not willing to share a man and I most certainly won't fight over one. Yes I believe there's a man shortage but so what I'm just fine without them!" Denise (37) graphic artist, Houston
The man shortage myth has reach it's peak in the minds of thirty-something women, with special emphasis on Black men. Jail, undereducation, overeducation, and death can keep these men out of reach of eligible women. The mere mentioning of a man being overeducated makes one wonder what's being implied here, can a person have too much education? No, overeducated is a reference to how drastically a man's perceptions of others change with his advancement in education. According to a professor in Minnesota, men who had received advanced degrees were prone to objectifying and undervaluing women with less education than themselves. Developing what he called "the gift attitude". Meaning, they saw themselves as the old expression, "God's Gift To Women". Any woman in their lives should be thankful for the attention being bestowed upon her by them. Many women today don't see any reasons to tolerate demeaning attitudes from these men. These "God's gifts to women" are promptly dismissed as undesirables.
"Women waste too much time trying to catch that great guy rather than living, and before long when they're old and beauty-less they realize that time didn't wait for them. I live my life as though my very being depends on it which it does, so you're not going to catch me waiting to live only when I have somebody." Willita (30) advertising manager, Phoenix
This trend to forego marriage and in many instances romantic involvements is not new but it's gaining in appeal. Women feed up with modern men demanding they meet certain material, financial, and sexual critieria are gladly omitting relationships from their lives. Southern blacks have always seen spinsters as "funny girls"(in other words gay) or as women unlucky at love, either way girls didn't strive to be one, until now!
T
here's another movement in the black community and no it's not about race or poverty, it's about something very basic, marital status. In this time of deadbeat dads, cuts in social programs (including education), black women are finding themselves occupied with learning to survive on their own without concern as to whether or not mister right is in their futures.